In a blink of an eye, another year has come to an end.What am i to say about this year? Just like any other year, i faced problems.I can easily say this year was a horrible year for me but i can't probably expect my life to be smooth sailing, right? What is life without those small little setbacks? This year was pretty much something i couldn't really handle.Things got out of hand.My life was turned upside down because of a guy and certain incidents that took place thereafter made me realise how much i still love you.I got to know some really awesome people.Best part of the year would definitely be sitting for O'Levels and ending my 4 years of Secondary school education.
Friends: Thru out my 4 years in Outram, i've gotten awesome friends who've stood by me during my darkest moments.Still remember the first time we got introduced to each other in Sec 1.And how much we got closer with each other as days went by.Look at how fast 4 years has passed.We'll be heading towards our goal once our results're out.Everyone'll be busy with their school stuffs and we might not even get the chance to meet up.But i'm never going to forget the 4 years spent with @Meowg.I mean, after all, who can forget their Secondary school life?
Other than that, got myself into an awesome class.3/4 2009 and 4/4 2010! I'll never forget this class, never.Never gonna forget the times spent in that classroom with awesome teacher.As much as i do hate my school, it's that school that has given me such awesome memories to look back on.Never gonna forget those days when everyone worked hard during the period before O's.Those exams and all, *looks back*
Relationship wise, i met someone who changed my life for the good and at the same time, has turned my life upside down.Maybe, it's my fault for always being so fickle-minded.You tried to get me back on track each and every time but all i did was give you that slipshod attitude as though you offended me in my past life.Even now, when i think about everything i did to hurt you, it pains me.I can't believe i was so cold towards you when all you wanted was for me to love you.It just took me some time, perhaps a very long time, to realise how much i really did love you but it might too late.On the 18th December 2009, i got to know you.It's been a year and look at how we're right now.I thought once i initiated that break-up, everything would change for good but i've been crying ever since things like that took place.This is the first time i'm acting this way.It hurts.I'm trying to give up and move on but each time i try to pick myself up, i fall.At times i really don't know what am i suppose to do.Just give you a call? Will everything be alright then? I don't want a World war III.Maybe it's time that i learn to let go this year.I've gotta face the fact that we're not meant for each other.
This year, i've gone thru a lot of changes.I've learnt to take things more seriously.I've learnt how much a break-up can hurt a person.Now that i'm going thru it, i can understand how my ex felt in the past when i initiated a break-up.I've matured? You could say that.In the past, when i initiated a break-up, it'll be an immediate move on but this time around, though, i'm the one who wanted this break-up, i'm the one who also feels sad almost every other day thinking about this.I've realised everything, a lil too late.I might have changed for the worst too.Don't ask me why.
Every time a new year begins, i promise myself that i'll change for the better and give up on all that i'm doing right now but a leopard never changes its spots.Maybe my determination to change isn't that high.Maybe i just want to be this way.Cas of my relationship? I don't know.I feel tired, more tired as the journey of my life continues.How did i turn out to be the person i am right now? How? Bad influence? I don't know.I gave in.If i could have one more chance, i'd want to write the story of my life all over again.This time around, without screwing up any aspect of my life.16 years of my life has passed.I've been a disappointment to many.To M actually.All he wanted was for me to be happy but being such a rebel, i always went against him.I made him angry, i made him sad, i hurt him.Now the fact that i've hurt you is hurting me.
Year 2010.What has this year done to me.I've changed for the worst.I actually went back to my old lifestyle.Why, i don't know.Due to stress for O'Levels? Relationship? I don't know.Till mid-year, i was doing good till the day i decided to turn back and give you a chance, give us a chance.I regret every single thing i did.I'm not asking for a year without any problems or what, i just want a peaceful life.I just want to stop wearing this mask.I want to stop hiding this mask.Deep down inside, i feel all messed up.I feel like i don't know my own identity in this world.Wearing a mask, i just blend in with everyone.I'm always trying to runaway from my problems.I don't know what year 2011 is gonna bring.
I want to start life anew.I want to migrate, go somewhere really far from where i am.I just need some time alone to self-reflect.Someday my life'll be back on track and that is if i stay away from this place.Just 4 more years till i'm 20.I've gotten the green light to go overseas when i'm 20 but i don't know whether i want to leave this place where i've so many memories, so many good friends.I don't know.Call this running away from reality or what, i don't give a fuck.But sometimes all a person need is some time alone.It's getting really tiring to carry on a life like this.The nightlife and everything else, i'm just tired of this.
Resolutions? I seem to make them every year but i fail to live up to that.Perhaps, for the sake of it, i'll do it again.Get good results, who wouldn't wish for that? Be a better person, a better girlfriend.Treasure the people around me.Drop those bad habits.Stop running away from my problems.That should be about it.And oh, stop being so fickle-minded!
New year, new beginning, new friends, new environment, new relationship and new problems.What is this year going to bring, i wonder.You can say that i'm quite not prepared for the New year.One is because of the release of O'Level results.May this year be a better year for everyone! Happy new year! :)