I miss seeing "blocked" number on my phone. I miss seeing long messages from you. I miss getting lectured by you. I miss the silly things you used to do to irritate the fuck out of me. I missed the times when we sat down at night to play games over the phone and talk about random shit that probably wouldn't make sense to outsiders. I swear to god, i miss you a lot.
The clock shows 12:37 am. I'm suppose to be asleep by now considering the fact that i've nothing to do and i refuse to head out to club tonight because there are just too many things on my mind right now. As much as i wanna drink and just get myself hella drunk i know it's not gonna be a solution for the long-term. I wanna be over you for good. I wanna move on and start life anew but where do i start when even the smallest thing reminds me of you? Everyone says i gotta let go but how do i? 10 months .. 10 good months. Hah, i'm even looking up the Internet on how to get over a break-up. Crazy much. I've never gotten so affected by a break up but losing you has just .. idk, i feel as though i'm about to lose my mind every now and then. I miss you, i miss you a lot.
I'm at my worst right now. I feel so weak suddenly. I feel like giving up on everything. Studies, job and everything else. I've my plans and such but i feel so lost without having someone like you guiding me along. For 10 months you were not only my boyf but also my good friend. Someone whom i knew i could always rely on. Someone whom i knew i could call to confide in even at 3 am in the morning. Someone whom i knew i could cry out to and i wouldn't get judged. I miss having you by my side. Where are you now? I miss you. Why did you come into my life? Le sigh.
Starting private diploma in March. I know i gotta push myself on and work hard but i'm scared. I'm really scared. Why do we have to study/work this hard? You know, i feel so lost. It's 12:48 am and my thoughts are running wild but that's what this space is for, to blog every shit out. Not emo-ing but just ... feel the need to let all these out. How would life be like in 10 years' time? Hah, don't even wanna think about it now.
Got myself a part-time job. I've yet to receive my work schedule. Latest by today i guess if not off to find another job! I'm so scared to get started in another job, in another environment. F&B has always been my passion but sometimes i really do wonder whether i can make it there. People always bring me down. Well, they try to but i believe i can make it. Ah, fuck it. Whatever industry i choose to work in they're gonna judge. Let 'em be. Losers, meh.
You know, i really need to start this all over again. A new chapter, a new page. I've been saying this since god knows when but i know i gotta start soon. I need to leave the past behind.