Monday, November 19, 2012
The perks of being a wallflower.
"We accept the love we think we deserve." I simply love this movie and the quote. Anyway, on MC again because i'm feeling so sick and god knows why. I was feeling all fine last night but today i struggled to just get myself off the bed. I feel so sick. Saw the doctor and got myself all those stupid panadols again which i can easily purchase from 7-11 or any other shops nearby my place. I pay a 2 figure sum just for panadols, wow. Sooner or later, i'll be able to open my own Pharmacy with just panadols, panadols and more panadols.
Got rather pissed off or rather, started feeling all bad/guilty because of some issues that has been going on between me and this guy friend of mine. I kind of never expected him to fall for me. And now he's angry with me and since i'm the main cause of this mess, i feel so fucking guilty. So guilty that i feel i should just runaway from this place right now. All his messages to me since yesterday... oh god, i can cry just looking at it. I can drown myself in my tears alone. He's so sweet to me, like fucking sweet. He's like the ideal boyfriend. He's so fucking perfect and... i can't ask for anything more right now but i really am not ready for this thing called relationship or falling in love. I've always wanted a guy like him and now that i've met someone who meets like all my expectations, i'm scared to fall in love. There's still Karthik, mind you. At the end of the day, it's not the expectations that matter. You meet someone and you just fall in love. I can't be planning whom to fall in love with and such. Idk, i'm so confused. Idk what to do or how to get my message through to him without hurting him. I've already hurt him and i can't do it anymore. God, why am i always the one going through this? I'm not good enough for anyone.
Le sigh, i just want things to get better now. I hope the boy's gonna confirm with me the Malaysian plans soon. I really need a getaway. It's a fucking NEED not a WANT. I'm about to lose my sanity and i could do with some time away from SG.
Leaving all that aside, been looking up overseas universities to do further studies. I don't think i'm gonna pay over 20K for a Uni in SG. I'd rather fork out the huge sum for a Uni far away from SG. I hope all goes well and i've to start saving all my salary after the Malaysia trip! It's gonna cost me over 30K to do a degree :( And it's time Kaplan replied to my email, argh. Gotta go back SD'H to collect my results too. And i feel so stupid because i'm gonna miss working a 11 hours shift tmr. I'd be able to hit $500 this month if i work tmr...but fuck the fact that i've a weak immune system. Ahhh, i'm side-tracking like mad here. I need sleep, xx.
Le sigh, i just want things to get better now. I hope the boy's gonna confirm with me the Malaysian plans soon. I really need a getaway. It's a fucking NEED not a WANT. I'm about to lose my sanity and i could do with some time away from SG.
Leaving all that aside, been looking up overseas universities to do further studies. I don't think i'm gonna pay over 20K for a Uni in SG. I'd rather fork out the huge sum for a Uni far away from SG. I hope all goes well and i've to start saving all my salary after the Malaysia trip! It's gonna cost me over 30K to do a degree :( And it's time Kaplan replied to my email, argh. Gotta go back SD'H to collect my results too. And i feel so stupid because i'm gonna miss working a 11 hours shift tmr. I'd be able to hit $500 this month if i work tmr...but fuck the fact that i've a weak immune system. Ahhh, i'm side-tracking like mad here. I need sleep, xx.
Labels: #Theperksofbeingawallflower, #Tumblr
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