▲ Slipshotlove.

Skinny love.

2012-01-27T20:23:00.004+08:00

Got so much to update but i don't know where to start. Backspaced everything that i actually typed out because it's all getting a tad too personal. Let's leave aside the whole relationship issue. All i can say is i fucked up every shit. Treating someone whom i once used to love as a friend is HELL. Trust me, it kills. But i'm done with you and our relationship. I'm quite tired of playing around. I finally feel this need to last in a relationship. To settle down with someone i love. I want a long lasting relationship but idk whether that is possible now, at this moment. I'm still trying to get up and move on ... i know i got to. After all i fucked things up. Ah, leave this.

My life in ITE is almost gonna be over. Finally made the choice to pursue private dip @ SDH. Part time job, private dip and awesome friends. What else more do i need? I swear i don't wanna fall in love, at least for now. 2012 is just another 2010. I'm gonna spend the next few months mending a broken heart. Idk where am i gonna start. Idk where is my life heading towards. Suddenly i feel so lost but i know i can do this. Ah, fuck my life.

Idk whether i'm fine. Idk how long more am i to continue pretending that i'm fine with us being friends ... it just hurts. Off to private blog, xoxo.

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2012-01-07T17:23:00.004+08:00

Last post before school starts and i get all busy. Working on my AS report now. Been procrastinating way too much and as usual i'm doing last minute work. Trust me, i can't think of anything to write for the report. Not that i don't know how to write but it's just that my creative juices ain't flowing. I hate project work, pair work and whatever fucking shit. I prefer doing individual work.

Gotta finish this report by tonight. School on Monday and deadline's on Tuesday. O'Level results on Monday too. I'm rather worried about my Emath, again. I don't think i'm gonna score. I'm gonna flunk it again, sigh. I know i should have confidence in myself but i'm sorry, i've always been this way. If only you were around, if only. But it's a good thing we're not together anymore because i would only end up disappointing you further. Results at 2 pm on Monday, so worried. Probably gonna stare at my phone the whole day till 2 pm. What if i get a F9?? Sigh, i'm gonna have a breakdown at school on Monday T_T

Trying not to think of the worst but i can't help it. I really wanna get out of ITE. I don't like it there, get it? Sigh, i don't know. Lemme get back to working on my report. Gotta get this shit done, x.

I'm used to a life w/ you.

2012-01-06T17:18:00.003+08:00

I always want to talk to you. No matter what time it is, where I am, or what I'm doing. I'd drop whatever I'm doing just to have a conversation with you. Why? Simply because I love talking to you. I love how we talk about the most random topics. I love how you know how to keep a conversation going. I love how we lose track of time. I know it sounds rather silly, but it's true. You're on my mind all the time. You're special to me, you're the one who I wouldn't mind losing sleep for; the only one who I can never get tired of talking to. I can't explain with just words how much you mean to me, but you're the one I'm afraid of losing and the one I want to keep in my life - FB.

It's been almost a month. I didn't know that Thursday would mark the end of our late night conversations. I miss you, i miss us a lot. Every day i claim that i'm fine and such but deep inside i'm really struggling. I really don't know where to move on. I don't know where to start. I'm so used to a life w/ you that now i don't know what to do. Sigh, off to private blog, x.

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2012-01-03T15:45:00.003+08:00

First post of the year. I really am worried about how this year is gonna be like. Studies and everything else, oh mai lord. I don't know how i'm gonna survive the last few months of my year 1 life. And then it'll be year 2 of my ITE life. Fast, right? Feels like just yesterday i stepped into ITE. I don't know whether i'm gonna end up dropping out or not. So much on my mind right now. I'm praying for the best for my O'Level Emath results. Imma really try appealing this time around. I don't wanna stay on in ITE anymore. Had a dream last night about my results. I actually passed you know but i know i wouldn't have fared that well. My Emath ... gone. I'm not kiddin'. Sigh, almost 9 more months in ITE before IAP. I know it'd be a waste if i quit now but i don't think i can get through year 2, seriously no.

Maybe if you were here you'd have pushed me to carry on but sigh. To side-track, working on my AS report now and nothing i do seems to be working. Procrastination at its best. I can't get started on any shit. After a whole night of burning the midnight oil i've only completed the cover and content page. How ah like that? Meeting my classmate for discussion tmr. Done with the slides but the report ... sigh. My creative juices ain't flowing. Damn this shit. Can i pay someone to do this for me? I'm practically dozing off right now, again. My body clock is so fucking screwed. I probably need 3943948 months to adjust back to school life. I NEED MY NEXT HOLIDAYS NOW.

Don't think i can even get my report done by today. I'm so sleepy. Like so fucking tired pls. How the fuck am i to wake up at 8 am tmr just to head to the library for this project discussion? Oh mai lord, bless me. Library and me? Meh, fuck that shit. I guess i'll blog later, xx.

Hello 2012.

2011-12-30T01:47:00.010+08:00

Not even suppose to be blogging now. Stuck with a whole lot of shit to complete. Left with just 1 week, sigh.

Tmr's the 31st. It feels like 2011 just started yesterday. Just like any other years, 2011 has its ups and downs. I went through shit, i got up and i moved on. To tell the truth, 2011 has given me some awesome memories that i'd never be able to forget. I admit things got rather messed up but life still goes on. Getting my O'Level results, starting my tertiary education in ITE, pursuing something that has always been my passion since young, re-taking my O'Level Emath, meeting a guy who changed my life for good and then losing him and falling for another guy whom i'm afraid to lose now. This basically sums up my year 2011.

17 years of life has passed by so fast. Next year i'll be finally 18. Should i be happy that i'll finally be legal? I really don't know. As i grow older, life gets tougher and tougher. Each day seems like a struggle. What keeps me going are the people around me. A whole bunch of friends i'm so close to, Meowg and my Prince. If not for them i'm sure i wouldn't have made it this far.

Leaving all that aside, i met a guy who actually changed my life for good but some people enter your life just to teach you a lesson. He stood by me through my darkest moments and the fact that i don't have him by my side this new year breaks my heart. My love life is always messed up. But i'm glad to have found my Prince. I don't know what year 2012 is going to bring but i never wanna lose this guy. Spending 11/11/2011 with him. Might not be anything special to some people but to me it means a lot cause that night brought us closer to each other ♥ If not for that night we wouldn't have gotten so close. I wouldn't have known that there's someone else out there who cares so much about me. I love this boy, xx.

Leaving all that aside, 2012 is also gonna have its ups and downs but i know things will be fine as long as i hang in there without giving up. New year resolutions? I give up on making them since i don't even follow them.

Though even thinking on the subject of time may prove discomforting, it is not a bad idea—especially at the beginning of a new year. As we look into 2012 we look at a block of time. We see 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds. And all is a gift from God. We have done nothing to deserve it, earn it, or purchased it. Like the air we breathe, time comes to us as a part of life. The gift of time is not ours alone. It is given equally to each person. Rich and poor, educated and ignorant, strong and weak—every man, woman and child has the same twenty-four hours every day. Another important thing about time is that you cannot stop it. There is no way to slow it down, turn it off, or adjust it. Time marches on. And you cannot bring back time. Once it is gone, it is gone. Yesterday is lost forever. If yesterday is lost, tomorrow is uncertain. We may look ahead at a full year’s block of time, but we really have no guarantee that we will experience any of it. Obviously, time is one of our most precious possessions. We can waste it. We can worry over it. We can spend it on ourselves. Or, as good stewards, we can invest it in the kingdom of God. The new year is full of time. As the seconds tick away, will you be tossing time out the window, or will you make every minute count? - Unknown.

Happy new year, xx!

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2011-12-26T16:50:00.002+08:00

Back to blog again. Been so busy that i'm rarely getting the time to blog. Been going out every single day. I dread the thought of staying at home. I'd rather drink every other night. I mean the only thing i do at home is sleep, sleep and sleep. And if i don't sleep my imagination runs wild and i end up thinking about really pointless and stupid stuffs. Not that i wanna think about them but i can't help it. Even now i still miss you. I can't deny that fact but i must say i'm getting on pretty fine with life. Just to side-track, i really have got this thing for you but i don't know. I try my best to avoid this guy but nothing i do is helping. Sigh, how ah? Is jealousy a sign of falling in love? Why do i get jealous this easily ah? Yeah, you've proposed to me twice but i rejected you cause i was alrdy attached. Off to private blog, x.

I hate liars, fuck love i'm tired of tryin'.

2011-12-20T13:13:00.004+08:00

I admit i'm not perfectly fine. I'm still some sort of messed up inside. I'm trying to get back up and face life strongly. I'll be fine. I'm gonna do fine even without you by my side. As much as i am losing interest in school life i'll fight on till the end just because you wanted me to graduate from ITE instead of giving it up. You and I might not be together anymore but still i'd remember whatever you told me. We started off as strangers and now we're back to being strangers again. Life is strange, don't you think so? I would pray for you always. I hope you would do fine. I hope when you're out after serving time, you'd find someone better, x.

Hi, new life.

2011-12-18T21:21:00.007+08:00

Hi, new life. No more emo me. No more emo posts. No more crying myself to sleep at night. No more waiting for your calls or messages. I grabbed the courage and ended it all. What's the point when i've this bad feeling that we're not gonna go far? You tried your best to change but once you've decided to head in that path, it's not easy to get back to leading a normal life. I hope when you're out after serving your time you'd turn over a new life and find someone who would appreciate you, perhaps more than me. I can't do anything more but i'll pray for you. That's the least i can do as a friend now. Blame me, blame me all you want. But the distance between us is increasing each day. It's better we end it all than dragging it further and let it hurt both of us in the end. Thanks for the 4 months. The best 4 months of my life.

A lot of people around me always ask why i always don't last in my relationships. It's not my fault. Certain things are not meant to last. Certain people come into your life just to teach you a lesson. I'm not gonna deny. I admit i played the field once. It's nothing new. It's not an easy world out there. You're going to meet all sorts of people. In relationships, friendships or even, your own workplace/school. Shit happens but life still goes on. I wouldn't dare say i'm not sad. Yes, i'm a lil bit sad over this break up. First time i ever cried over a guy. But i'm perfectly fine now. What Prince says is true. Nothing is ever gonna change by me crying and torturing myself. I've to move on, that's life for you. Perhaps i'm moving on too fast.

Single life is gonna be awesome though i feel that this status is gonna be for a very short period of time ;) Haha, i love my prince! Okay, shut up Rina. I don't seem like a person who had a break up uh? I was mad happy today! Having helluva fun at JP with my bitch and Prince was annoying me on the phone. Annoying ass, haha. Lovin' that boy's presence. See? This is what keeps me going. I've an awesome bunch of friends and an awesome Prince right beside me. I don't need anything or anyone else now. Okay, i don't wanna reveal anything else now. Let's hope everything goes well then i'll reveal everything, heh! ;)

Monday tmr! Follow-up with Chelsea for Church issues. Meeting my bitch later on in the afternoon to fix my fringe. Movie with my bitch on Tuesday. Hopefully meeting my Prince on Wednesday for our proper date, hahaha chey! Clubbing on Thursday, oh yes paaaarty. Gonna have an awesome week. Third week shall be dedicated to WRB assignment. Stupid report, i don't know where to start eh, die. Gonna be away from blogging for some time too unless i've something to blog about. On the other hand, i feel like starting a new blog and keep this blog just to look back on memories. Hm, shall consider. End here, xx.

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2011-12-12T20:28:00.002+08:00

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ― Bob Marley

Numb.

2011-12-04T22:07:00.003+08:00

No mood for school anymore. All my motivation to attend school is gone. Second warning letter for s&w, attendance is apparently like shit. IF i end up getting debarred from my exams for this sem then what's the point of attending classes anymore? I might as well just drop-out of ITE and do private diploma. If baby comes to know about my second warning letter he is sure to be so disappointed. He was alrdy disappointed when i received my first warning letter and now the second one? "Rina, stop screwing up." I know i've screwed up big time and i regret it so much. From my O'Levels to my ITE life - i screwed up every shit.

What is making me breakdown is the fact that you're not here for me when i need you the most. Just what the fuck are you so busy with? I give up trying, i give up. You know what? Do whatever you want. Work all you want. If making money is more impt than your girlf then go ahead. I hate you, David Suren. I hate you so much. Fuck my life.

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2011-12-03T22:56:00.000+08:00

David Suren, i am missing you so fucking badly.

Drop it low.

2011-12-03T16:01:00.002+08:00

Trying to revise for Monday's AS paper but the weather just makes me want to sleep. And to add on, unless i get off the net i can't get any shit done today. I'm left with only 2 days and i've yet to be done with all the memorizing. Fuck my life. I've 4 units left. Gonna be burning the midnight oil tonight and tmr night. So many procedures to memorize, hopefully i don't end up forgetting everything on Monday afternoon.

Stuuuuudy - inner self. I'm being so distracted by this laptop and my hand phone. Can the Internet break down just for today? ;) Just to side-track a bit, i miss him a lot. This is seriously enough to kill. I'm alrdy not feeling well then why are you doing this to me baby? I need you by my side now so badly but .. sigh, i miss you so much that it hurts. We'll be fine, right? We need to talk/meet real soon, xx.

New month!

2011-12-01T09:18:00.003+08:00

Sup! Three papers down, left with one more which is also the one that is scaring me the most. Accommodation services. I don't wanna screw up this module though it's just a CA. 6 units plus part of the 7th unit. I don't mind memorizing but i'm afraid i might end up forgetting everything. Okay no, i can do this shit. WRB was alright. I feel like i screwed up PMS here and there. SVE role play was alright, got a lil nervous as usual. It happens, hah!

9:21 am now. Skipped s&w just to revise AS. Actually no. I'm feeling so sick right now. The medicine is draining all the energy out of me. I feel so weak. Blanked out yesterday and i seriously am worried. How am i to finish all the 42 pills? Oh god, save me. Even now i feel so giddy. Sigh.

On the other hand, i wish baby was here. I miss him so badly. Like really badly. It's finally December and hopefully like he promised me, i can get to meet him soon! If that moron doesn't meet me, imma really travel down to Hougang, heh! Sigh, but really i wanna meet him so badly. On a rather negative note, there's this fucker annoying the shit out of me. I swear i wouldn't hesitate to scold you the next time you disturb me. If you're bored i must meet you, is it? Who the fuck are you to me anyway? I've better things to do, annoying dumb fuck. Typical indian guys. I still won't forget how you judged my boyf. I hate you for that. I know hate is a strong word but i fucking hate you, just drop dead. I'm sorry but i'm rather protective of the people i know especially my boyf. Fuck off, cb.

Alright lemme just end here and get back to AS. Don't wanna end up disappointing baby with my CA results. Xx.

4 months!

2011-11-23T20:29:00.003+08:00

Oh, hi. Today is the 23rd again. The date that changed my life for the better. Up till now i've never once regretted picking up your call that night. Our first random conv that night has brought us this far and i'm really glad to have such an awesome guy like you in my life. I was just thinking about how i got to know you and each time i think about it i really wanna laugh. Oh boy, we argued like mad during our first conv and now...? We're still arguing but the only difference is now you're all mine and only mine ;) Call me selfish but i want you all to myself. I am missing you so badly now. It's been so long since i met you and i am quite dying right now without you by my side. Get your work done fast and meet me next month baby, pretty pls? *gives innocent face* Heh, but i still love you! Can't believe we've got through 4 months together. I wanna look forward to the 23rd every other month till i breathe my last ♥ Okaaay, shall end here.

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2011-11-22T01:33:00.005+08:00

1:19 am: The world neighbourhood is so quiet. I'm suppose to be working on my SVE script that is due tmr but here i am, unable to get my creative juices flowing. When i did CMB last sem i didn't find script writing this tough but this time around i'm really struggling. Despite being given a wide range of scenarios to choose from, my mind is still empty. If i fail SVE i'd be very disappointed in myself because this is one module which is very easy to score, be it in theory or role-play. But i really am losing interest in school. In sem 1 - despite the project stress and everything else i still could drag myelf to sch every other day without fail but in sem 2, i'm simply losing motivation in going to school. Not because i'm facing any problems or such. Maybe it's due to the exam stress and heavy weightage of my modules. I don't know.

All i know is i don't wanna end up giving up half-way in this course. I really, really love the Hospitality industry and i want to graduate from ITE. I don't wanna end up being a drop-out. As much as i'd love to pursue a private diploma next year, i really can't bear to do so when i realise that i've passed 7 months of my course in ITE. Sigh, i guess the stress is setting in. I just need to find a person to talk to - someone who'll pull me back in before i start straying. Sigh, to approach CA or not? That's the question. He'll kill me if he finds out i'm having such thoughts again. My parents leave the whole decision up to me. Sigh, i'm stuck. Jesus, guide me, would you? Gimme the strength to hang in there and fight till the end. Amen.

The one that got away.

2011-11-20T14:05:00.006+08:00

Hi. I typed a whole lot of shit but i erased everything off because it's just getting a tad too personal and i don't want to type anything out here. My life is in a fucking mess. I am a fucking mess myself. Losing interest in sch. We both are falling apart. Maybe you might not have sensed it or maybe i'm just too paranoid but what do you expect me to think when we don't even spend quality time together? I miss the old you. I miss the old us. We used to talk every other night without fail, remember? Oh well, i don't know what has happened. You claim to still love me a lot but i don't know baby .. i don't know shit.

8:12 pm: Another update on whatever shit that is running through my mind at this hour when i'm actually suppose to be working on my SVE script. I'm quite a hopeless case right now. Whatever baby told me the other day didn't fucking sink into my head and now i'm back to the whole i'm gonna quit sch shit. Seriously i ain't kidding. I'm losing interest in every shit that's related to sch. If i quit sch i'll opt to do private dip and take up a part-time job. Why does baby think it's a bad idea? I just say i wanna leave sch and not stop studying right?! I'm fucking sick and tired. Like why not just gimme that support...? I know i'll be graduating in another 38472847 months but still, oh well fuck this shit. I'm out, xx.

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2011-10-30T23:21:00.008+08:00

My long weekend has ended. Back to school tmr. Back to the same old routine of traveling for 1.5 hours. Back to boarding the fucking packed LRT at 8 am in the morning. Back to long school hours. Back to modules which i probably up till now don't even understand fully. It's been 4 weeks or so since sem 2 started and i am ashamed to declare that i don't understand much about my modules. AS, PMS, SVE and WRB. I don't get a shit these days, i'm losing all my concentration. I don't even know what i'm doing in ITE anymore. My GPA for this sem is gonna be like shit considering the amount of effort i'm putting in now. I'm gonna end up as a disappointment again, sigh. Life is like shit.

I probably would be off to my private blog after this. Today is probably what i call my worst Sunday. Stayed home the whole day because i'm so sick that i can't even drag myself out of the bed. I've lost my voice. I can't do any shit right now. All i probably wanna do is sleep. Getting all cranky these days because of baby. I get all cranky when i miss him and i very much hate it. I wanna just talk to him so badly now and meet him and spend the whole night with him, just him and me. I just miss him so badly. I really admire all those couples who are in a long-distance relationship. So much goes into maintaining a long-distance relationship. Trust, loyalty and everything else. I wish we could meet often just like what any other couples do. I wanna be an unreasonable girlfriend and throw tantrums when we don't get to meet each other but in a relationship, understanding is very important and i understand that the end of the year is approaching and you're tied down by a lot of work now. But sometimes i wish we could be like any other couple, meeting often and such. Sigh. Baby, i miss you a lot.

I've not said anything the whole day. Good thing i'm down with a bad sore throat if not my mum would have assumed something is wrong with me. Sigh. I wanna just meet him now, like now! I wish i could. Might have to wait till December before i can meet him again and it's killing me. It sucks. Can i just sleep till then? Sigh, i just miss you a lot. A lot. Off to my private blog, xx.

3 more days.

2011-10-28T20:34:00.005+08:00

Another month is about to begin in another 3 days' time. Time is going past real fast and before i realise it, it'd be new year. All i'm praying for now is that i get the chance to spend my new year with baby. I wanna welcome the new year with him, pretty pls. Christmas is also around the corners. Leaving all that aside, sat for my Emath paper 2 today. The paper was a real killer. Tougher than last year's paper. I guess my batch was lucky but still i screwed up big time last year where paper 2 was considered. I seem to have a love-hate relationship with paper 2. When i'm doing my tys i've no problems but when i'm sitting for a major examination, my mind goes blank. Oh, fuck this shit. I'm over and done with Emath. Never touching Emath again, never. I'll burn my tys. But you know, i actually passed my Paper 1 this year, hahaha! Awesome but i screwed up paper 2, i think. Remaining paper would be Econs paper 1 on the 15th of Nov. God, why do i have to wait that long just for a MCQ paper? But that doesn't mean i can party now. A bloody 40 marks or whatever it is graded upon can determine my grade between a B3 and B4.

Leaving that aside, had some last minute plans to go Avalon today but fuck, i'm just so lazy these days to club or anything. I just wanna sleep. Been losing out so much on sleep cause of this bad nightmare i've been having for over a week. Sucks to be me. Feeling all sick and tired now. Losing my voice again, oh fuck. On another note, i am missing baby a lot. It's been 3 months since i last met him. Oh god, this is torture. I swear the next time i meet him i ain't letting him go. Can i just marry him alrdy? At least then i'd get to see him everyday. I've just realised how much i love you. So much. I don't even know why. You're just amazing boy. I've never felt this way before. I've never seen the need to change for any other guy in my life before, never. All the other boys don't matter in your presence. I'm surprised that we've come this far. I got to know you in February. It all started off as being normal friends. I'm just glad we ended up this way. I've never regretted knowing you. Heh, i love you baby! Xx.

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2011-10-27T19:35:00.009+08:00

I wish i didn't choose to re-take my O'Level Emath. I wish i could turn back time and go back to year 2010. I would have put in all my time and effort into my Emath instead of subjects which i'm strong in. Looking back now i really regret it. I did well for all my other subjects but just because of one subject, i was denied the chance of pursuing my education in Poly. ITE is not that bad. Hospitality operations - Something that i've always wanted to do. Despite all the problems i've faced in the past 6 months or so, i still am going strong and i am determined to finish my Higher nitec course and graduate with a good GPA. I promised myself that the second time around i'd work hard and work towards at least a pass but i seem to have disappointed myself and the people around me, again. I could have just broke down after the paper ended but what's the point when the paper has been collected and everything is over..? It's not as though i've no future if i fail my Emath. I know i can do it. I know i can make it through ITE. But i'm just mad with myself for disappointing the people around me again especially baby. Just last night he was encouraging me and his message was the first thing i saw in the morning and that kept me going through my Econs paper in the morning. I made it. Econs is something i've not done in my life but i managed to get through. The paper was manageable. Not as easy as biz studies but i did fine i know. But Emath..? I've been doing it for over 10 years but yet .. i can't do shit about it still.

Baby called me earlier on. He was disappointed, i know. More than me. But baby i tried, i really tried. What more can i say? Paper 2 tmr and i'm rather demotivated after screwing up paper 1. Paper 2 has always been my weakness where Emath is considered then how do i ace it? I know i've to put today's paper behind me and move on but i've to probably score for my paper 2 which .. seems like an impossible task to me. I don't know. I just don't have the confidence in myself at all. Fuck this shit. I tried, i know. Sigh, i don't know what called for this sudden post but i just feel so .. fed-up with myself. Why can't i get through this despite all the efforts i've put in? Sigh i don't know. Don't even feel like turning up for tmr's paper. "Rina, stop screwing up."

The clock shows 7:48 pm. Nothing is helping. I can't get myself to start on any work now. I'm so drained. To add on i've missed quite a lot of my ITE lessons. Sigh fuck this, fuck everything. I hate this. The same cycle. Why can't i just do Emath?! I feel so dumb, so stupid. Like fuck everything. I just wanna runaway now. N-o-w. Sigh, lemme get back to my revision now, xx.

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2011-10-22T21:53:00.008+08:00

I'm extremely proud of myself. The satisfaction derived from last minute revision. Satisfaction in a negative way that is. My papers are next week and i don't know how to put my current feelings into words. I'm not scared, just somehow nervous. It's my second time at it and the thought of sitting in a new environment with unfamiliar faces somehow scares me. I quite dread next Thursday though that's the day i've been looking forward to for the past 8 months or so. I've no fear. Even if i don't make it this time around *touch wood*, i've my course in ITE to continue on with but i'll end up being a disappointment to many and definitely, to myself. I've worked hard and definitely i know the amount of effort i've put in this year is more than what i put in last year. But still it's this struggle within me. I want my efforts to pay off but .. I know i should have the confidence in myself but somehow, this is just me. Ah, fuck. I'll be fine. I'll do fine even in ITE.

On another note, i've been doing Econs the whole day and so far, i''m doing good with not much distractions. Emath tonight. Hoping to finish up Econs by Monday. God, bless me. No matter how much of a headache Econs is, i still love that damn subject! Just to side-track, tmr is my 3rd month with baby. I'm so glad we've come this far. Nothing much compared to those who have got through 4 or 5 years of r/s but for me, that 3 months mean more than anything else. I'm glad i've someone who always stands by me no matter what. We both might not seem like a couple from the way we scold and insult each other but that's what make us special. And it's so cute as to how you kept emphasizing on Sunday during our conv last night.

The clock shows 10:06 pm. I deserve a good break for doing Econs for two hours straight, heh! Freaking bored. Stayed home the whole day because i've yet to recover and plus, i really need to start studying. My modules this sem are not as easy as they seem. I wish AS didn't carry 6 credits. Sigh. WRB is very much based on English. Letters, notices, messages and etc. So easy to score but with that extra effort, duh! Ah fuck, i'll get through all this. I will! A long post today after so long. Guess i shall end here, xx.

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2011-10-21T20:55:00.003+08:00

Missing someone gets easier every day, because even though it’s one day further from the last time you saw each other, it’s also one day closer to the next time you will.

Credits to eletheowl @tumblr.

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2011-10-05T19:45:00.005+08:00

Probably this is gonna be the last post. The next post is when i'm really free. So, sem 2 started this Monday. Timetable sucks big time. Finishing at 6 pm for 3 consecutive days. Seriously it's no joke. By the time i get back home it'll be 7:30 pm or latest 8 pm. Sem 2 is gonna drain all the energy out of me. God knows how imma drag myself to school every single day without fail. Modules are alright. Pretty dry though with lots of memorizing to be done. A for all modules? Haha, not unless i work really hard.

On another note, baby's long message came as a wake-up call to me the other night. I was pretty reluctant to continue on with my education in ITE but after thinking through all that he mentioned in the message, maybe, i should hang in there. I should try. 6 months down. Just 12 more months to go in ITE and i'll be doing my IA for the last 6 months. I'll be fine. With baby around, anything is possible. I love you. More than ever. And leaving all that aside, i can't bear to leave ITE either. Hopefully things're gonna be fine.

God knows when i would be updating next. Next week, next month or even, next year. Gonna be tied down by school work. Projects, assignments and whatnots. Gonna work hard and fucking get myself into TP's Hospitality and Tourism Management. 7:53 pm. Gotta start on my Econs. 8 chapters man. No joke. Ah, fuck. End here, xx.

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2011-09-29T13:41:00.013+08:00

Major disappointment. My results for sem 1 are a major disappointment. I did fine wit 3B(s) and a D though but i'm just not convinced that those are my results. I didn't want such fine results then it would make it difficult for me to leave school half-way. Ah ok, fuck this life. Now leaving ITE would be a real task. Forget it, forget it.

Received a message in the early afternoon which got me sort of pissed. I mean, do i fucking look like i came up with the blog layout for ITE? How would i know where exactly to check the results? I mean yes, i know because of my friends who are from ITE and i've seen them checking it but still, try to find it before asking for help, yeah? You're 18 not some 8 year old kid whom i've to help in every single thing. Argh.

On another note, i want baby to call me todaaay. It's been ages since i had a good never-ending conv with him, haha. I just talked to him last night though with our conv totally not making sense. I love him :> And i know he's the only one who can make me feel better now, sigh. xx.

4:23 pm: I hate how i'm so indecisive. It's a decision concerning my future and yet i can't make a decision, sigh. Anyway i guess i'm quite done with thinking. I might just stay on in ITE. Modules for next sem are out. AS, PMS, Writing for biz and SE. Looking at it, i'm only left with about 12 months in ITE. The last 6 months should be IA if i'm not wrong. I might as well stay on? What baby said is true. I can't choose whom i wanna work with in the future. I've to put up with the most inconsiderate people, that's life. Ah ok, fuck it. I'm staying. I'm Rina. I'll prove to people i can do well in ITE. Fyeah \m/

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2011-09-29T02:45:00.003+08:00

2:45 am: Tried to sleep but i failed. Tried to do some Emath but i failed. Sigh, been thinking too much for the past few nights. I'm so tired. I wish baby could call me right now. Talking to him would make me feel so much better though he can irritate the hell out of me. That's what makes him so special. Talked to him earlier on. I can't bring myself to tell him what's going on in my mind right now. I don't wish to let him down. Ah, i don't know. I'm just not looking forward to Monday.

Suppose to get my contact lenses tmr but IF i'm not going back on Monday then there's no point doing so. Adding on, i'm rather worried that my eye infection might come back again. Argh, i really don't know what am i gonna do! I'm so confused, lost. Sigh, another sleepless night. Good night, xx.

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2011-09-28T16:43:00.010+08:00

Alright, fuck the fact that it's my last Wednesday night to enjoy but i'm using it to stay home and sleep. I'm like probably the world's most laziest person. I can't even drag myself out of the bed. Staying up all night and sleeping in the morning. God knows how imma survive when the new sem starts next week. Ah, fuck that. Results should be out tmr, lemme cross my fingers and pray for the best. God knows what my grade for S&W would be. I skipped the floor ball test which was probably the last test of the sem. I failed my Napfa. So fuck, that means i should have failed my S&W? /: Fuuuuuck.

I wanna start on some Emath right now but i'm like so fucking distracted by Msn. And pls, don't message me asking me about the timetable for next sem. I ain't working for SOH or smtg ok. Fucking fed-up. Waking up in the morning to some question which i don't know the answer to. I'd gladly inform you of the timetable if i knew but sadly i don't. Fuck man, are you kiddin' me? Ah, fuck lah. Everything is gettin' on my nerves now. I wanna fucking get out of the house. My friend is like heading to Zirca. Ah, fuck that loser. I wanna go too. And as expected, friends with benefits is rated M18. Awesome shit, all the good movies are fucking rated M18. So expected but still i'm disappointed. Don't even know why am i blogging. Like my blog is so gonna be dead for the next 3 months. At least till my next holiday which is like in December. Argh, i want.

4:51 pm now. Gotta start on some shit. I swear imma get a F9 for Emath or smtg. Can't even do the easiest question. Meh, fuck this. I want 2013. I wanna graduate from ITE asap. God knows what war would take place next sem. Bless me, amen. I need to keep my temper in check. Ah, end here, xx.

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2011-09-27T20:17:00.007+08:00

Instagram - Probably one of the best app on iPhone. Suppose to do some Econs today as seen from the picture above but the thought of analysing the demand and supply curve totally scares me. Looking at the amount of effort i'm putting in, i can forget about an A2 for Econs. Fuck, i could do with some motivational talk now, hah.

On another note, school's starting next week and i'm in deep thoughts about whether i want to go back or not. I'm afraid if i make the wrong decision, i'll live to regret it. I don't wish to leave ITE College West. I don't want to sacrifice my passion for something or someone. 5 more days. I'll let my sem 1 results determine my decision. I don't know, i really don't know. On the other hand, i really can't bear to leave College West. Can't bear to leave the good friends i've made over the past few months. God, please gimme the strength to get through the next 1.5 years. Amen.

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2011-09-26T16:55:00.008+08:00

Hard at work. Fuck Math. Fuck this shit. Fuck circles. Fuck formulas. Fuck trigo. Fuck everything related to Math.

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2011-09-25T16:01:00.012+08:00

Ah, this is my 70th post. Just had to emphasize because the previous one was the 69th. Ok, fuck that. Didn't really wanna blog but couldn't resist the temptation of updating this space. I just realised my holidays are ending, a week left and it's all gone. School starts again. New sem, new modules and new lecturers. And of course, more drama. Fuck that. I'm not looking forward to school.

This post was to be published last night but i totally forgot because baby called me. All was well. For the first time i called that idiot out because i wanted to meet him before my holidays end and i get all busy with the new sem but he took it all in a playful manner and irritated the shit out of me. Like thank you so much for that. Now i'll never call you out ever again. To think i made so much effort just to end up getting all disappointed. You know what? I hate you. Now what? I can't be bothered shit about the fact that the last time i met you was in July. Fuck that. I'm going drinking on Friday. I can enjoy even without you. Fuck you. Fuck everything. Fuck life.

It drives me mad. It feels like a long-distance relationship though we both live in Singapore. Why? Because you're tied down by work and i try to keep myself busy with school. I am trying to understand your situation because i don't wanna be labelled as an unreasonable girlfriend. But, sometimes, i just wanna meet you and no one else, you get it? Nah, just forget it all. Forget i asked you out. Forget that i wanted to watch the movie badly with you. Forget every shit okay. I hate you, i fucking hate you. I'm just fed-up with everything, with life and with all the unnecessary attention i get from other guys. I just wanna fucking runaway.

11:00 pm: Not feeling too good. I'm rather worried about my eyes. Having blurred vision rather often these days. Is it because i'm wearing glasses after a long time, due to change in degree or due to my infection...? Worries me a lot, fuck. Gotta get new glasses before school starts next week. And i really am considering going back to school again. If i'm gonna drop out half-way then there's no point continuing on with sem 2. Not kidding about it anymore. I really need to make a decision. On the other hand, don't think baby would be calling me tonight. I'm fed-up with everything now. Sigh, life of a teenager. Who said it was easy? /:

Stress, stress.

2011-09-24T01:29:00.005+08:00

My brains cells are all dead from doing Emath almost for the whole day. I want to fucking die right now. My paper is like next month and i'm fucking lost. I can't even do a simple Mensuration question, how?! Fuck my life. Looks like i'm gonna get F9 .. gonna kill myself. Damn, noo! Heck no. I wanna pass my Emath and get out of ITE. Get out of College West. I wanna go somewhere far from this place, from this school. I need at least a C5 please /: Gonna burn the midnight oil for the next one month even if it means skipping school.

This post isn't even required but i just needed to let it all out. Baby is probably asleep and i don't wanna disturb him. Knn, i just feel so stressed now. I forgot what's an arc, da fuck? The simplest shit in geometry please. I wanna die. Why am i not good at Emath, why?! Damn. It's 1:36 am and i'm stressing myself over this shit. And the best part is, i can't even understand Vectors. Not even the simplest concept of Vectors please. It's like some fucking alien concept to me. Fuuuuuck.

And fuck the fact that i'm always suffering from insomnia. I wanna sleep but i can't. I wanna study but fuck, i can't concentrate. Argh. New sem starting soon. Can i just say that i'm not looking forward to school? I wanna quit and get out of here. Ah, fuck this. I'm out, xx.

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2011-09-23T19:23:00.005+08:00

Didn't wanna blog but i'm fucking annoyed right now. Wtf is wrong with this fella? Isn't it fucking obvious that i don't wanna message him? Why the fuck does he have to spam my message inbox?! Damn, i am trying my best not to be mean but this guy is apparently testing my patience. I swear i'm gonna call him up and scream at him. Can't you fucking understand? I don't wanna message you. It's that simple. I can't even understand your English then how do you expect me to hold a proper conversation with you? I've to spend more than 5 mins just to decode your message. Why am i gonna waste 5 mins of my life trying to understand what you're messaging? And i don't fucking care whether your ex gf got you into trouble or what shit alright. I don't give a fuck about your life.

Why can't people simply understand? This is simply my way of avoiding people whom i don't wish to message or keep in touch with. I don't feel that chemistry with you, get it? It's the usual Hi, how are you doing/ what are you doing/ where are you and all sorts of questions which i'm sick and tired of answering. Simply sick and tired. Call me mean or whatever shit, i don't fucking care. It's my life, i choose whom i wanna keep in touch with. Argh.

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2011-09-22T20:51:00.005+08:00

Two negatives make a positive. Hah, sounds so much like Math, right? Probably only you could come up with such a logic even when love is concerned. I don't know what's wrong with you. Why can't you just get over everything and simply move on with life? I know it's never easy to forget someone but why get a substitute for her? Deep inside you know it's not gonna work out then why..? You know the chances of us getting together is zero then why even try this hard? Even if i was single and even if i had never met a guy like him, i still would never consider you. You can't force love, no.

I find it so annoying. If treating you as a good friend is wrong then this time around i'm walking away for good. I want to be there for you as a good friend but if you insist on taking this friendship to the next level then i'm afraid it's impossible for me to even consider you as a friend. I'm just sick and tired of explaining this to you a million times. I wanna be as direct as possible but i don't wanna come down hard on you. Why complicate things? I don't wanna mess things up between me and him. He trusts me more than anyone else and i don't wish to betray his trust for another guy. I'm learning to be a better person, i'm taking all the efforts so please don't mess it up. On another note, i wish i had not met a guy like you. Off to private blog, xx.

♥♥

2011-09-22T01:40:00.008+08:00

The clock shows 1:40 am. The whole neighbourhood is so quiet and i'm still unable to get to sleep. Insomnia? Probably. Was talking to baby earlier on and that is what called for this sudden post in the middle of the night. I love how he can always make me laugh no matter how bad my day has been. I love our late night conversations even if it means sacrificing my sleep for the night because nothing else matters as much as you do. Cliche i know but i thank god everyday for bringing you into my life. Tmr is the 23rd. 2 months baby ♥♥ I wanna go even far with you. I love you :>

4:08 pm: Had a good sleep last night after two good nights of not sleeping. And have i ever mentioned how cute baby is? That idiot apparently downloaded baby adopter on his iPhone and named the baby after me because i had the same app and i named the baby after him. Such an idiot. And i swear he's so cute. He claimed he had something important to tell but he was afraid i'd tease him. I got so worried for a moment and all he wanted to tell me was that he loves me. Can you get any more adorable than this baby? :) And he remembers what's on the 23rd :> Heh, i love him ♥♥

No title.

2011-09-21T15:09:00.005+08:00

Mixed feelings. God knows why i'm feeling like this. I just hope everything would be fine once i talk to that idiot. Eyes so much better today, thank god. Hopefully it's all fine by tmr. Staying home without any plans is killing me. Suppose to be doing some Emath but fuck it, i wanna give up on that. I really want to but i know i can't. Two days of sleepless nights. God knows where this is gonna get me to. Been thinking so much lately about school issues. Damn, i hate this feeling. Hopefully imma get to sleep tonight. Fuck my life.

On a rather negative note, Vectors is killing my brain cells. I wanna give up on that particular chapter so badly but i'm unable to do so because that damn chapter might just come out in paper 2 and i can't screw that shit up, argh. Hate Emath. Hate this cycle. Fvcking bored. One song on repeat since that movie date with Prehm. So addicted to that one song from the movie! :> Haha. Random but i love that name Anjana ever since the day i caught the movie. Can i just change my name?! Lol. Alright ending here, xx.

Movie date.

2011-09-20T16:39:00.026+08:00

Been updating too much these days because i'm free like that, hah. Caught a Tamil movie with Prehm yesterday, would rate that movie a 3.5 over 5. Considering the fact that i had some good company, hahaha. So the movie was alright almost till the end. You know the kind of movies that get your hopes up just to dash them in the end? Ah, i hate them. But still, the movie was rather good just that i think the love story should have been real, lol. In my 17 years of life, that was my second time watching a Tamil movie in the theatre. Headed to Town after the movie to meet a blogshop owner. Ah, i'm so loving the new outfit i got from her blogshop!

On a negative note, my eye infection is back again. How unlucky, damn. Swear i'm gonna stay away from contact lenses for the next 4857397 months. Glasses, here i come. Haha. And, i swear i shouldn't have headed to Town yesterday. Couldn't even find a single cab. I wanted to cry. The worst thing is being at Town and not being able to shop because i couldn't shop with such bloodshot eyes. Wasted $9548493 on a pair of shades though because i didn't dare walk around finding a cab with such eyes though Prehm said my eyes looked fine. Like serious?! Fvck this shit. Gotta stay home cause of this, argh. And god knows when baby is gonna be free. Ah, that idiot is forever busy. 3 more days to our 2nd month though. Been doing blog shopping ever since i got up. Lazy to go out but thank god, blog shopping exists. So many things i wanna get but lack of money. Gonna be broke soon. Fvck this, i need a job. Rina, quit being lazy and type out a resume - inner self. I hate to remind myself but the new sem is starting soon. Less than 2 weeks left please. Ah, fvck my life. I hate school. I hate waking up early. I hate everything. Argh. Alright, lemme just end off here. Maybe it's time .. to draw up a resume and get started on finding for jobs.

8:55 pm: Re-editing this post because i just feel like it. Not been feeling good since yesterday. Why am i feeling like this...? Damn. Baby, where are you? *cries. He's an idiot. Busy with work forever. That should explain why i'm feeling like this right now when i get all the attention from another guy /: Fvck this. I was suppose to put aside all this. Leaving this aside, been spamming eye drops in hope that my eyes get well by tmr. Shall end here, off to my Chinese drama!

Just in love.

2011-09-18T00:27:00.007+08:00

Fixed my codes. Probably gonna stick to this blog skin for quite some time cause i quite love this skin, hah. The holidays aren't doing me any good. Shop, drink and sleep. This is what i've been doing for the past 2 weeks or so. Left with about 2 more weeks before the new sem starts. Damn, i am so not looking forward to the new sem. Might be doing accommodation services which is worth 6 credits. Ah, not gonna talk about this.

Out tmr. Movie date on Monday. Somehow not looking forward to that though baby was like asking me to go ahead with it. I wanna meet that idiot so badly but that idiot apparently has to clear up his work before he is free. Argh, i'm just praying i get to meet him at least ONCE before my holidays end. Missing that idiot so badly. Leaving that aside, been spending so much money lately. Damn, need to save up money once school starts. Need money to do my hair, shopping and whatnots. I want a job. I want money. But i'm lazy. Life of a 17 years old teenager. Argh.

Anyway i'm so glad that idiot got off my back last night after i refused to reply him back. I feel mean but i'm sorry. I can't stand him. I can't stand his English. I'm just praying he would never message me ever again. Nothing much to blog about. Not even doing any shit related to Econs. I'm so gonna fail at the rate i'm going. Guess i shall end here and get back to Econs, xx.

Why i love you.

2011-09-16T15:50:00.009+08:00

Just when i was thinking of the worst, things got better. I'm just glad the worst is over. What makes me more happier is the fact that i didn't give up on the whole relationship. If i had given up, i'd have a lifetime full of regrets. Gotta thank the people who kept me going during this period. Getting drunk and acting all like a mad person, damn. I'm just glad i survived. I went for a month without talking to you and it's a surprise that i survived. God, thank you so much. You probably heard my prayers. I know i'd do fine with your blessings. I'm just glad i had you by my side. Amen.

Long night calls again, i love this. Was suppose to have a good sleep last night but damn, i got disturbed by so many stupid messages. Wassup with people who message me at 10am in the morning. Are you kidding me? And then if there's no reply within 5 mins, i receive another message asking "are you busy?" I received 3958348 messages just from one guy this morning. I was so pissed, damn. I wanted to curse and swear. What made me even more angry was his English or more like short-forms. Is it that difficult to spell out the word didn't? Wtf is didt?! I mean, i'm not saying my English is oh-so-awesome but c'mon, the way you type out your messages can drive anyone mad. And what's with the 5 minutes frequency? I mean, isn't it fucking obvious that i'm still asleep? Just because you start work in the morning doesn't mean everyone else has gotta wake up. And my 5 minutes late reply doesn't mean that i'm dead or what shit. You don't have to send me another message asking whether i'm still there. The more you irritate the shit out of me, the more late my replies would be. And your first question ... if i could murder without bearing any consequences, i'd gladly murder you. LIKE SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK GOES AROUND ASKING ANOTHER PERSON WHETHER THEY'RE HANDSOME OR NOT IN THE MORNING?! I mean, there's a time to ask such stupid questions. Just not in the morning when i'm still asleep. Shit, i swear i don't wanna blog about this because after all he's a friend to me but i'm just so ... fed-up with this fella. I could type out some long shit essay like message to him right now about his language and how annoying he is but i'd feel so mean doing that /: But seriously i hope he gets off my back. I had enough with this guy. So annoying man. I don't know how your friends look at this matter but i find it annoying when someone messages me every 5 mins just cause i don't reply. I mean, heck yes, my phone is always right beside me but that doesn't mean my replies are gonna be in a second or some shit alright. I've my work to complete too. Ain't so free to entertain you. Lack of sleep = grumpy me. Why? I was just getting to sleep at 6am and then ... damn. I should seriously learn to switch off my phone before i head to sleep. Argh, even now i'm trying my best to sleep but the messaging never stops. May God bless this guy. If you wanna message, at least use proper English, please? Use short-forms but don't use short forms which probably no one would understand except yourself. What's with the short-form grl? Is it so difficult to type out that letter i? Is it gonna take you your whole life to type out the letter i? Seriously? And what's with the short-form cum for come? I mean ... cum? Wtf do i take that as? That you're feeling all horny? Or it was just a short-form? SERIOUSLY CUM? C'mon, "come" is just 4 letters. Would it kill you to type that out? Please, please don't put me through this torture. Can stand anything but not the damage done to English.

Such a long post. Damn, just to vent it all out. Time is running out. I have to start on my Econs soon. I've over 8 chapters probably but i still refuse to get started on any shit this holiday. I'm just .. sick and tired of studying, lol. Almost 2 more weeks left. That leaves me with almost a month to O's. Fvck my life. Guess i shall end here, xx. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
- William Shakespeare

Reprobate romance.

2011-09-15T15:56:00.006+08:00

Changed my blog skin but still not satisfied. I want something simple but my HTML skills are rather rusty and i messed up a whole lot of codes thus i'm sticking to this for now. I know i'm such a disappointment. Despite having my break, i refuse to blog on a daily basis. I'm just sick and tired of .. writing out my thoughts but this is the only thing that probably keeps me going. I might consider closing down this blog and just keeping my private blog. As days past, i'm just becoming more lazy to update or do anything. My daily routine seems to be always getting up and going out for the past 2 weeks or so. Call it running away from reality but that seems like the only solution. Don't ask me what's wrong because i've no answer to that. I wish i had though. I wish i had some crystal like ball that could help me foresee the future. I don't know. All i hope for is a future with him. I don't know whether this would come true but i'll leave it all up to Jesus. He knows better.

Leaving aside all my personal issues, the past 2 weeks have been really awesome. Lazy to upload any photos. Neverland last night was alright though i should have been at Zirca with 'em. Argh. Had the best conversation with Dzaf last night cause she was hella wasted and she didn't know what she was doing. Damn, i laughed till i cried. Trust me, without this girl, my ITE life would be hella boring. Thanking god for this amazing friend i've gotten :) Thank god, hangover wasn't that bad. I need a job so badly but i'm lazy to do up a resume. Like seriously, l-a-z-y. Ever since he left, my motivation to do anything has been at its lowest. I know i need to pull myself together because nothing has happened between us. No break-up, no shit. We're just not on talking terms but you know .. i've this bad feeling. I know he wouldn't go missing without a reason but why suddenly...? I don't quite get it. I miss him a lot more than anyone could ever do. Come back, would you? It's been so long, love. Shall end here i guess, xx.

What has happened?

2011-09-08T17:12:00.004+08:00

Just a post to let off steam. Well, things have changed. Am i right to assume that? I just hope this is my assumption. I want you to come back. I want us to go far. What has happened to all those promises you made? Here i am trying my best to resist all the temptations around me but i don't know what happened to you. It's been almost 3 weeks, coming to a month soon. What has happened to you? I'm worried. God, i really need this guy back in my life. I don't wanna lose him and regret it all my life. Is this the end? I don't know. I'm sick and tired. David Suren, come back, would you? *cries.

Counting.

2011-09-01T23:41:00.000+08:00

Things change.

Last straw.

2011-08-28T21:45:00.003+08:00

I'm hating life. I wanna just quit school. The pressure from school is setting in and i can no longer take it. The last week of the sem, 3 days of school left. I am really worried about my Cmb and Bev. I no longer have the strength to just hang in there. I am missing him so badly. Like you know, i want to just runaway from reality. Just sleep for a long time. I want to just avoid reality because it hurts real badly without you here. I understand you're tied down by work there but sometimes ... i don't know. I can no longer cope with this stress, i can't do this anymore. I hate falling in love, i hate this cycle.

Looking back #memories

2011-08-22T20:30:00.006+08:00

Was looking back at my secondary school days. Was looking at my year books. I quite miss my secondary school life. Under so much stress. Final assignments. Bev paper on the 5th of Sept. As much as i am confident, i really am scared. What if i screw up? So much stress. Fuck my life. The thought of quitting school is constantly crossing my mind. But this is what i've always wanted to do. How can i just give up half-way? 1.5years to go. Hang in there.

I miss 4/4 2010. As mentioned, was looking at my year books. I miss the times with Meowg. Running for recess. Crapping with Dorothy about F1 during recess. Talking about K-pop. Biz studies class. Disturbing Mdm Wong during SS lesson. Doing all kinds of shit. The running about during Chemistry lesson for the fear of paying $1 if late. Mr K's "beg, borrow or steal" dialogue. Chemistry lessons. Bio lessons with Dory and the girls. Making up love quotes with Bio and Chem with Dory. Philip disturbing Dory. Sphere head, hahaha. D&T classes. Arguing with Vimalan about T.I and Eminem. Tamil classes. Never-ending laughter. O'Level period. All those last minute studying. #memories. I miss secondary school life. Rewind back time, pretty pls? :) Haha, good ol' times.I know i'm being rather random but i'd never forget the 4 years spent in Outram, never.

Every girl's dream.

2011-08-13T20:12:00.006+08:00

Every Girl`s Dream:

Get kissed in the rain.
Have that one hot kiss where your pressed against the wall.
Have a guy who thinks she`s the world.
Have a guy who holds on as long as possible when giving hugs.
A guy who whispers he loves her in her ears.
Have that moment where you just gaze into each others eyes.
When you cry, he kisses your tears away.
When you`re not with your guy he`s all that you can think about.
Wearing his jacket and every time you breath in, his scent surrounds you.
A guy who will watch any movie with her, no matter how teary eyed she may get.
A guy who squeezes her hand.
A guy who says he loves her and means it.
A guy who will play her favorite song outside her window.
A guy who is loyal.
A guy who will sing to her no matter how bad he is at it.
A guy who will kiss her on the forehead.
A guy who will call her beautiful or adorable. Not hot, fine, or sexy.
A guy who will never judge her for how she looks.
A guy who says cheezy stuff to her just to make her smile.
A guy who`s the same when he is with her and when with friends.
A guy who tells her everything honestly.
A guy who`s good with her family and introduces her to his family.
A guy who will always let her win.
A guy who stands up for her no matter who it is against.
A guy who calls her at night just to say ‘hi’ and see how her day has been.
A guy who tells her that her smile makes his day and makes everything better.
A guy who will sit on the phone with her when she`s sad, even if she`s quiet.
A guy who she can hangout and have fun with.
A guy who will just randomly call her for no reason at all, just because he misses her.
A guy who will hold her hand through the roughest parts of life.
A guy who would love her forever no matter the circumstance.
A guy who wouldn`t mind her wanting to get all dressed up and do herr make up for him. Even if he says he likes her better without make up.
A guy who runs his fingers through her hair, like he’s washing her worries and troubles away.
A guy whom she can be herself with and he will never give a care and would still tell her that she`s amazing to him.

Taken from shesperfectlyhappy

23 July 2011 ♥

2011-07-31T01:10:00.004+08:00

Been leaving this blog to die.School is seriously draining me.Coming home as late as 9pm ain't fun pls.Sleeping at 2am and waking up at 4.30am ain't cool.I'm sleep deprived.I can't even sleep till noon during the weekends.Damn, sleeping issues again.2 more months to my O'Level papers.I'm really scared.What am i scared of? I don't know.I've already been through this once then what's wrong? Sigh.Almost a month to my module examinations.I'm scared.Bev is no worry but still i'm scared.Ofa is the module scaring the shit out of me.

Despite all the shit i'm going through now, i'm still happy because my one and only wish has come true.I've gotten the best guy.He was all that i wished for.I need nothing else in my life now.Just him would do.He's my pillar of strength.He's the one i need.They say the unexpected always happens, how true.23rd July is our day ♥ I love him a lot.Whatever happens, i never wanna lose him.I want him to be my last love.Whatever shit that happens i'm facing it together with him.I love him ♥

As much as i wanna update this blog often, i ain't having the time to do so.Been really busy with all the shit and drama going on.Lots of bitching.Everything basically sucks.But this shit ain't gettin' me down.I'm fighting my way through this.I would survive.You simply suck.Pls fucking grow up and get a life, lady.You are not some 3 years old kid.Got a problem? Come find me.You hate me, i hate you.The feeling is simply mutual.I'm not going to cry over the fact that you hate me.Pls get a life and when you get that shit, come find me.Because i don't talk to losers, meh.

The clock shows 1:20AM.Baby is out partying tonight.Talking about partying, been drinking lots these days.Shisha and drinking yesterday with my homies.An awesome Friday night i should say.But it's unfair that baby is out partying without me.Argh, not talking to him tonight makes me feel weird somehow.Guess i shall get on with Bev now, xoxo.

Crawling back to you.

2011-07-15T19:03:00.003+08:00

Blogging after quite a number of days.I'm still in my holiday mood.Fuck, my next break is around September and it's only 2 weeks.God, what the fuck am i to do with just 2 weeks? Maaan, this is the limit i swear.I can't wait to graduate or wait, i can't wait to be done with my O's! Being a private O'Level candidate and doing an ITE course at the same time is no fun.Too much to absorb, too little time.And i just got reminded my 2 module examinations are in September which is about 1.5 months away.I'm really scared i'll screw up big time.

On the other hand i wanna fucking pass my Emath and get out of ITE.Can't stand it anymore.Project stress, fml.I've the best group mates, trust me *shakes head* Fuck, i feel as though imma working with 2 year old kids.C'mon, you're 18.Be at least a bit responsible.Don't be all words.I swear i'd shove a fucking banana down your fucking throat.Fed-up.But can i get a C6 for Emath? I'm really scared.I wanna get out but i don't know.Should i stay on for the two years and get the Higher nitec certificate? I don't know, freaking confused.I think i need counselling, lol.

Awesome weather to sleep in but i fucking can't as long as my hand phone is beside me.I know it's Friday and i know i should be partying but i wanna stay home and catch up on my sleep and recover asap so stop calling me out to clubbing or drinking, argh.Sigh, fucking sleepy but i can't sleep.I've only about 3 months left before my 2 O'Level papers.This is the time when i should really be doing a lot of Emath.Sigh.Imma seriously work hard.No matter how tired i am or no matter how late it is, i'm gonna make it a habit to do Emath every night without fail.I NEED TO.Sigh sadgirl94.

Anyway i guess i shall end here.This weekend is gonna be no fun.Gotta work on my Emath, Econs, Bev case study and Cmb role play script.Ahh, how fun! 17 and life sucks, fml.Guess i better get back to my work.Would blog again ... when i've the time, xoxo.

Always a day too late.

2011-07-04T16:14:00.011+08:00

If you had a choice then what would you choose to do? I could live without money, I could live without the fame. And if everyday was sunny, I could live without the rain. And if I ever went up to heaven, I would fall right back down. That life wouldn't be worth living because you're the one I couldn't live without - Without you by Chris brown.

Being very random but i'm somehow addicted to the song Without you by Chris brown again.The lyrics are rather meaningful.Anyway leaving that aside i'm so glad that T.I finally has a new song with B.o.B featured! I'd say that the song is awesome with a very catchy chorus sang by B.o.B.I'm anticipating a new album soon! :> Haha.Well leaving that aside i'm rather upset that school is re-opening soon.I'm left with exactly a week before school starts.Yet to be done with all the assignments.I see myself dying already.Done with Etp so it's more or less like the burden is lessened.Left with Bev and Cmb.Ahh, call this a break, tsk.

Class bonding session with HB tmr @ ECP.Hopefully able to get my Starbucks tmr!! Though on one hand i don't feel like going i know i shouldddd, haha.Suppose to be doing some Emath now but i feel as though i've lost the touch seriously.Can i just give up on that shit? Fml seriously.Shall end here, xoxo.

Eyes set to kill.

2011-06-28T15:41:00.006+08:00

Addicted to Cradle of Filth all over again.Swear i'll never get tired of this band."Six feet deep is the incision. In my heart, that bar less prison discolours all with tunnel vision." Meaningful lyrics i say.Being very random i know but this is the result of having your Itunes on shuffle and not doing your work.Seriously i'm not able to start on any work up till now.And it's already Tuesday.Where the fuck am i to start? I know i have to fucking do this but i somehow can't.Fucking stressed up with school life.And what makes me feel even more stressed is the fact that this is not my only assignment for this holidays.Can i just fucking give up? I wanna do some Emath but i fucking can't manage my time.

Imma let down people for the second time around.I know the first person i'll let down is myself and the second would definitely be P.He was there guiding me all along when i needed some one's encouragement but i really don't think i can do this.I know i should have the confidence but i really don't have it in me anymore, how? It's too late to give up.I swear i hate my life now!! Suppose to be doing my etp project now.Got all my survey results but i'm not able to start ... fml.I guess i shall end here.Hopefully i'm able to get started on some shit today.

Drop the world.

2011-06-27T17:02:00.003+08:00

I'm really lost.I really quite miss you.Yes, only one night without talking to you but i really do miss you quite a lot.I'm praying that you'll call me tonight, i really wanna talk to you.Leaving that aside, i'm really unable to start on my ETP project.Been days but i'm still stuck at the mode of distribution.Comparing the packages and pricing is somehow driving me mad.Yet to even start on the pricing of Hotel rooms, grr.I really needa finish this shit by tmr night and start on staffing.I'm only left with 2 weeks before school starts again and i really don't wish to use my last week to do this project.I've yet to find 2 articles for BEV case study.I'm so dead i know.

Where's all the motivation gone to? I've yet to do any Emath or Econs.Been weeks since i last touched Tys.I feel the stress, damn.I really don't wanna see a F9 pls.Sigh, i wish i could get away from this place for some time.I really am feeling the stress.I'm suppose to be studying now but i'm blogging instead.I really need my motivation back.Finishing up this shizzle by tonight.Need to really start on Econs.I want an A2!! I'm hanging in there.At least for your sake i got to.I need to face this, i need to.End here, xoxo.

My heart.

2011-06-27T14:40:00.003+08:00

Raping the re tweet button on my Twitter page.All those quotes somehow describes how i'm feeling right now at the moment.Yesterday night you didn't gimme a call.You didn't message me for the whole day either.I'm rather worried because once upon a time you said you'll wait for me to make the first move and message/call you.Am i thinking too much or are you just busy? Just one night without talking to you and i'm already feeling lost.I quite miss you.I love you so much and i know you do too but how?

Twitter.

2011-06-27T14:35:00.004+08:00

It doesn't matter how long you have known him, if he's got you smiling, starting from day one, don't lose him - TheQuoteWhore @Twitter.

Sleeping with sirens.

2011-06-26T19:36:00.003+08:00

I don't know where to start.I know i have all the ideas but i just don't have any clue on where to start.I'm rather lost.I feel like crying.I feel like running away.Symptoms of being stressed? Fml.Who said ITE life was slack? Hell no! Sigh how? I need to really finish this project by this week if not i can seriously forget about sleeping.I'd rather attend school than have 3 weeks of "break." They call it having a break when there're so many assignments plus a project?! Fml.How am i to study for my Emath and Econs at this rate? I know i've to manage my time well but how? I don't know, i really don't know.Suddenly i feel so tired.

Heartbeat.

2011-06-16T19:21:00.004+08:00

" Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some time, one or both of us are gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me." -Runaway Bride.

Just doing a quick update.The above quote is so true but i'm just scared.I really don't wish to lose you.Been listening to that one Malay song that you dedicated to me.I quite understand the meaning of the song after continuous playing.I really don't know why you dedicated that song to me.I don't know, i really don't know.Is this love or is this more than that? I really don't wanna think about this but i know i'm falling for you.

She ain't me.

2011-06-05T18:34:00.006+08:00

What i thought was never gonna work out is working out now.I know it's not gonna be easy trusting another guy all over again.Especially after what i've been thru, it's not gonna be easy but i know with you beside me, being my pillar of support, i'm gonna get through any challenge that life is gonna pose.I wanna start all over again with you right beside me.I want you to be the one who is gonna walk with me through out this journey called life.This time around i'm dead bent on changing.It's high time i did anyway.I'm sick and tired of leading such a life.I can't change my past but i can decide my future :) I know this is it but i don't know what fate has in for us but i'll wait because you're worth dying for.

Side-tracking, another weekend has come to an end and i very much hate it.Another 2 more weeks before the 3 weeks of June break.It's just 3 weeks and i'll have to be doing my second ETP project which is solely based on Marketing.I'm really scared that i'd end up having another breakdown.I'm afraid.I can no longer take this stress from school.I know i'm gonna get thru this, i know i will.I know how much i wanna give up.I feel mentally drained.I don't know.I feel like dropping out of ITE.But where will i go if i drop out? Work? Re-take O's? Private school? I know with him right beside me i'll get through these 2 years but how long more can i fight on? I really don't wish to think about anything.

The clock shows 6.47 PM.I'm suppose to study for my BEV CA which is on Tuesday.I'm confident i can do it but i'm afraid.This is nothing new to me but why do i always feel this way? Why is my confidence level always at its lowest? I really don't wish to remain this way.It very much affects the way i think.I just want to get through this 2 years and my O'Level which is at the end of this year.I really want to get through this.I want my old self back.This is not suppose to be an emotional post at all but i don't know, i just felt like saying what's in my mind.After all this is my space.I miss me, xoxo.

Get high like planes.

2011-05-22T14:19:00.006+08:00

Haven't been updating for quite some time.Too much of school work to deal with.Trust me, i can barely find the time to breathe.Project work, tutorials to do and not forgetting the two O'Level subjects.Fucking broke down the other day cause of ETP project.2 more ETP projects to go.Seriously if ETP was an exam module, i'd aim for an A but the fact that it is a project based module and that it is graded based on group work makes it almost impossible for me to score well.Sigh, i really need that A for BEV and OFA.But this is what i wanted to do so i can't give up now.It's not even half-way thru the course.To quote @Dorothy, high expectations kill.

Don't even know when i'd be updating this blog again.Probably during the June holidays, hah! Hate the fact that i'm down with another round of fever again.Hate the fact that i'm so weak.Surprisingly the medicine isn't working and fuck the fact that i'm on Mc for tmr.I really don't want my attendance to affect anything though it's only my second time missing school.Grr, I NEED TO FUCKING RECOVER.I guess i shall end here and get on with my private blog and BEV revision, lol. Xoxo.

Top of the world.

2011-04-29T23:48:00.005+08:00

I am fucking sick right now.I've been having a fever, runny nose, sore throat and cough for the past 2 days.I'm really dying.Despite all this i'm forcing myself to go to school because i know the amount of MC(S) i'd be taking during my 2 O'Level papers so i'd rather try to have a good attendance now.It all started with a slight sore throat, fml.My nose is like a water tap right now, flowing non-stop since Wednesday.I'm really dying.I can't understand why the medicine refuses to work this time around, damn!

Anyway leaving that aside, school has been really awesome.HB ftw! \m/ I swear i don't have the heart to leave this class after a year or anything.Maybe i'll just stay thru out the whole 2 years? I shall consider that :) I've really awesome classmates and course mates, hah! :) Leaving that aside, i'm planning to get back to work soon.I know i shouldn't be working at this point of time but seriously i'm not able to save anything from the allowance i get.I might as well work.Called down for an interview tmr at a Bar in Chijmes :) Hopefully i get the job as the hours are rather flexible if i'm not wrong.

BEV test next Wednesday.Trying my best to memorise every single thing from chapter 2 but seriously with my nose flowing non-stop, i'm unable to concentrate or write down any notes.I think i am dying, lol.Gotta work on my OFA assignment tmr too, damn! Gotta do some Emath soon before i lose touch again.Sigh, i feel like i'm about to die soon.I know like what David said, i should not give up half-way but i really am drained both physically and mentally.I really am missing him, i could do with some encouragement from him but i really don't wanna message or call him.I really miss you.Every single day i'm promising myself to move on but i'm unable to.Outside i'm pretending but inside your absence is really killing me.I don't know, i really don't know.Like i don't know why people wanna confess to me now.I'm not in the proper state of mind to accept anyone.You'd just be a substitute if i accept you, fml.I really wanna go low-profile for now.Hopefully this'd be over soon.

Don't know when imma blog again.Probably next week or something.Gonna enjoy my so-called-long-weekend.I really need to catch up a lot on my sleep before i faint in school.Guess i shall end here and get back to my BEV assignment.Enjoy the long weekend people! :)

School life.

2011-04-23T19:52:00.005+08:00

Deleted my previous post because i felt like doing up another proper post before i go missing again.Two weeks of school down and surprisingly i was able to force myself out of bed to attend school every single day without fail.I could hardly keep my eyes open at school though.Sleeping at 2am and waking up around 4.30am ain't cool.What is making everything even more dreadful is the fact that i always fall asleep in the bus on the way back home.Sigh, fuck my life.I really am feeling all drained.I hate Wednesdays, we end at 6pm and by the time i reach home, it's already 8pm.Sigh, i've no time for social life at all.

Leaving that aside, my modules are alright except for Office Applications which actually is easy to score but considering the fact that i'm so not into using Microsoft word and excel, i'm gonna really have to work hard for this module.Only 2 weeks and i'm already feeling drained.How am i to survive for the next 2 years? I'm not even able to do any revision for my Emath and Econs.I think i'm gonna fail again, fml.I'm trying to have some confidence in myself but somehow i can't help but have really negative thoughts.

My relationship life is forever in a mess.I really miss you.I could do with your encouragement but i really don't wish to disturb you.I was suppose to move on and i was suppose to stay away from you till you give me up but i really am missing your presence.I'm not even able to delete all your messages.Haha, i feel stupid.But, IF i could have you back once again, i promise not to take you for granted but what's the point of having regrets now when i've lost you for good, right? I thought with school and everything, i'll somehow forget you and get used to your absence but now that school has started, the more i think i need you by my side.Sigh, sucks to be me! I nearly accepted him but you know, no one can ever replace you.I don't wish to hurt him also, i can't love another guy just yet.I know, i used to play around a lot last time but now .. sigh, people do change, i guess.I wish i could have you back, i wish.

I don't know when i'll have the time to update again.Hopefully i'm not gonna let this blog die or something.Anyway shall end here and get back to doing my OFA assignment! Looking forward to the 14th of May, haha.End here, xoxo.

Got ya back.

2011-04-10T01:46:00.005+08:00

Inspired by @Dorothy to blog at this hour, lol.A short update before i begin my tertiary education.Initially i was feeling the excitement about starting school and such but eventually the excitement dies off and now i'm slightly more worried about my O'Levels.I think this stress that i'm facing now would drive me to my grave.Not that i mean to be really pessimistic or what but sometimes, i can't help but let my thoughts run wild.I'm really feeling stressed, i need to let this out and i finally did in the hope of feeling better but no, i don't.How am i gonna make it? I shall keep this for my private blog.

Almost over.Tmr is Monday, the start of school.I gotta be up at 5am, no joke.I'm gonna be having no life for the next 6 months or at least till both my O'Level papers are over.Sucks, i just hope i don't end up making empty promises.I simply regret not putting in that 101% effort for my Emath last year.IF i could turn back time, i promise i would.Or at least i could have retained in Sec 3 but too bad, just my luck! Sigh, no point talking about the past yeah.No mood, nothing.I'm feeling rather tired, physically and mentally drained.But no matter what happens, life still goes on? Haha, cliche.

Now leaving that aside, i'm feeling rather stupid.I'm still thinking about you, thinking about how we could have been.Last year, this time, we were still happy, remember? :) I still do remember every single detail.I miss us.Is there by any chance you'll come back again? I know i should stop holding on to something that'll never work out but how the fuck am i to get myself to let go of someone like you, someone whom i loved so much? I miss you a lot, xoxo.

Guilty.

2011-04-08T01:20:00.002+08:00

If you've ever been in love, you'll know the feeling. How you feel insane and time passes so slowly when you're not with them. How they dominate your thoughts and you can almost feel them with you. How you can't help but smile when you know they're thinking about you. How when things aren't going well it drives you insane, and you can't seem to think straight. How when they're not yours, you miss them so much, and you feel that dull emptiness in your chest. Most of all, you'll know how they're literally everything to you, and nothing can change that.

- via artificial-love-addict @tumblr.

I'm your love dealer.

2011-04-06T02:09:00.002+08:00

It's 10 minutes past 2am.While the whole neighbourhood is fast asleep, i'm up here think about certain issues.Less than a week left before school starts for good, exactly 5 days left! I really am having mixed feelings.On one hand, i'm all excited for school to begin and on the other hand, i'm feeling rather demotivated to even study.I really don't know how am i gonna score for my Emath and Econs with my confidence level at its lowest.I hate this, i hate this.I'd love to purchase pills that'd boost my confidence level but sigh, there's no such thing, yet.

I was thinking about everything that once made me happy, made me the happiest girl on Earth.I miss having you by my side, i miss the way you used to scold me like a little kid, i miss you.I'd love to go on pretending that i love you no more but i'm really tired of pretending as though every thing's alright, it's quite a struggle inside.Nvm, someday i'll be alright, i guess.

Leaving that aside, i really don't know when am i gonna head out to get my school related materials.Sucks, i'm rather lazy to head down anywhere these days.Yet to get the perfect pair of shoes for school.Everything at Aldo is just way too nice, i wish i could purchase everything, lol.Ah, yet to get my contact lens.I'm all prepared for last minute shopping.

Feeling the urge to start up a new blog, a new space.But on the other hand, i don't wish to delete off this space either.I feel like starting everything all over again.I feel like starting my life all over again.I just need to put 2010 behind and move on with life.What's done is already done, i can never turn back time again but why do i insist on living in the past? But, what IF i give you the chance and then i hurt you also? I wouldn't be able to take another blow.How did i change this much? I hate my past, i hate my past! "Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." I shall end here, xoxo.

Wiz khalifa!

2011-04-05T15:33:00.009+08:00

Wiz khalifa da sex!

Your Miss independent.

2011-04-04T16:19:00.005+08:00

Horoscope: There's nothing wrong with being indecisive -- it shows that you're taking all your options seriously. So don't listen to folks who tell you to hurry on up today. Don't worry about taking too long to come to your conclusions, because you need to feel comfortable with where you put your energy and time. And if you need to change your mind, that's okay, too -- you're entitled to do that every once in a while. Take the pressure off of yourself!

There's nothing much to update this blog with.Still struggling with life.I can't seem to forget you no matter what.It's like no matter how much i try, i can't help but think of you. Is there by any chance fate'll bring us together, again? I don't know what's gonna happen.Would i still be this way at the end of the year? I really don't wish to cry over this anymore.School's starting next week and i really don't wish for this to distract me, sigh.

School next week.I'm not even prepared.Yet to get my shoes, bag and contact lens.I'm rather lazy to head down to the shopping mall under the sweltering heat.I feel as though i'm in a sauna.Even with the aircon at its full blast seem like nothing to me, omg.Gosh, how am i gonna travel to school wearing long sleeves with the weather like this? Damn, imma die! Been in a bad mood for the past few days.

I don't know whether am i taking the right path.I know i shouldn't be hurting another guy at this point of time but what can i do? I don't wish to accept your date and give you false hopes.I'll rather you scold me now for being selfish than hurt you in the near future.I might not even be your type of girl you know.Sigh this sucks! I really don't wish to date anyone in the near future but i don't know, i give up on explaining.No matter who comes along, no one is ever gonna be able to replace him.I'm not saying it for the sake of saying but i've never felt this way before, the feeling is just too strong.I don't know, i just hope things'll get better .. one step at a time.Guess i shall end here, xoxo.

4 minutes.

2011-03-29T16:44:00.004+08:00

I feel rather stupid for always talking about the same old matter.It's a case of crying over spilt milk.But yesterday night, when i was somehow having my breakdown yet again, i couldn't help but think of you.I miss those days when i could talk to you so freely.I miss those days when i could always confide in you.I miss the past.I miss you a lot.I know things're never gonna be the same again.I know that we both don't stand another chance to make things right all over again.I hate how i'm feeling right now.I know it all eventually depends on me but i simply can't take a step forward and move on, i can't bring myself to hate you.

Feels like insomnia.

2011-03-28T18:44:00.004+08:00

I've always had this voice within me screaming that "keep your cool, keep that mask on!" But it's really tough pretending that every thing's alright.I tried to be happy and i tried to put everything behind me and move on.I tried but i'm really tired of always trying.It's a struggle everyday.But whatever, i can no longer be bothered.I should just start shutting myself up in my room to avoid any questions related to this.You're always there, you're everywhere. But right now I wish you were here.

I hate the fact that i'm only left with 13 days before everything ends for good.It's gonna be the same cycle once school starts.You know, the usual, school > home > out > home > sleep.I'm making empty promises about studying real hard and such because i no longer have the motivation in me to push myself to strive for the best.I'm losing hope in myself, in everything.If i could turn back time, i'd love to go back to this time last year then at least i'd make good use of the time revising for my Emath.I'm drained both physically and mentally.But, still, in order not to let down the people around me or just myself, i'll try to at least do well for my ITE course.In the worst scenario, i'll just quit and enrol myself into a private school.

How would this year's O'Level Emath paper be like? I'm afraid.This fear inside me, grr.To side-track, my body clock has been rather screwed.I feel as though i'm living in a different time-zone.God knows how imma adapt when school starts.But seriously .. whatever.Shall continue on the 100 facts about me post, hah! End here, xoxo.

Battlefield.

2011-03-24T18:44:00.004+08:00

The girl who seemed unbreakable - broke
The girl who seemed so strong - crumbled
The girl who always laughed it off - cried
The girl who would never stop trying - finally gave up & quit.

- Unknown.

Next to you.

2011-03-23T15:09:00.008+08:00

Nothing much to blog these days so i'm rather leaving this blog to die.Been spending way too much money these days and that sucks cause i needa start saving some money soon, grr.Nothing much to blog.Saw @Dorothy's blog and twitter about the 100 facts about me challenge.Maybe, one day when i'm really bored, i might do it, hah! Thinking about it, maybe i shall do the tumblr challenge.Then at least i'd have something to blog about.

Anyway what more can i say? I don't know which direction am i heading towards in life.I feel lost.Isn't ITE also an institution that aim to educate students? Then why all this nasty comments about ITE standing for It's The End and such? This is really getting to me.Initially i thought i wasn't gonna be affected by such comments but i'm already quite fed-up.Every single person has something to say.Why not just fucking shut up? Please don't talk as if you've a degree in law or whatsoever.And, what's so bad about Tourism/ Hospitality? I know a course with good prospects would be the ideal choice to pursue but still, c'mon, Tourism is a booming industry and that's where my INTEREST lies, get it? Why would i wanna pursue a diploma/ degree in the medical industry when i've no clue about what i wanna do in there? Just because the demand for nurses are high doesn't mean i should pursue that course, right? Why not ask your children to pursue that course instead? Wassup with this, autocratic leadership? Fuck you for that then, we're not even related for heaven's sake.Grr, totally fed-up! Whatever it is, it's my life.It's as easy as that.

Grr, i just needed to blog about it because i've had enough with such comments.The clock shows 3:19PM.Been feeling really tired these days.Almost 18 days left to starting school.The 11th of April marks a new beginning, sigh.Should i be happy or not? Yes, initially i was looking forward to school but with such comments being directed at me, i can't help but feel demotivated.I don't know, i feel lost.But looking on the brighter side, i'm glad to have actually talked to ya.Though you got my number thru god know what means, i'm still glad to have attended to that call cause if i didn't, i'm sure to have regrets you know.Guess i shall end here and do some tumblr spam, heh! Xoxo.

Self-reminder: Get a black pair of heels for sch, new pair of contact lens, LOSE WEIGHT, new pair of glasses and collect school skirt on the 30th (can mail it over or not?!?!).

Edited: Bata heels are so not my kind and C&K heels are seriously over the limit of school.Shit man, where am i to get my school shoes from? :/ And i've to head down to my school just to collect a skirt? Omg, lazy manzzzx.Sigh, and my fringe is simply refusing to grow right now.Pretty please grow, i want my side fringe back.I've been having bangs since like the O'Level period, omg.And yay omg a stranger made me happy today, hah.Not bad uh, people still do think imma secondary school kid :) I still look young and not like what people claimed me to be.I'm 19 or 20? MY GOD, NO! #Random. Alright end here, xoxo.

Fuck love, i'm tired of tryin'.

2011-03-16T10:20:00.006+08:00

It's been long since i updated this space.What can i say? I thought it's better to stop all this before it's too late.Is it i'm fickle-minded or is it just in our case that i'm fickle-minded? I really don't know.I wanted to pay you back in your own coin thus i went all the way out to try hurting you but in the end, i failed to do so.Because hurting you is like hurting my own self.Cliche much but i mean it.I don't know how but over time, you've become a part of me.

Well, was reading @Dorothy's blog and i came across one of her blog post about rewinding back time.Maybe if i could, i'd really love to travel back to the past.Well, not in the hope of getting you back or anything but to handle these issues in a more matured manner.I always refused to face up to reality and kept running away from you.Sometimes, i really do wonder whether i'm really 17.If i did have a chance again, i wouldn't hurt you at all.I don't know what's wrong with me but this whole relationship has got me doubting a lot of people.Trust issues.I just have way more serious issues with myself.I wish i could trust you all over again and give you that second chance but i'm unable to do so.Can't you see how serious the trust issue is between us?

At the same time, i'm unable to accept anyone else because i'm afraid that history'll repeat itself.I don't know who to trust.I feel so lost.He's an awesome guy and i shouldn't be getting into this in the first place but i'm sorry, i'm gonna move away before things get too serious.I just want everything to be ok now.I just want some peace, some time alone to sort out my thinking.Is this the right feeling? I don't know, i don't know. Fuck it let's hit the club, i rarely sip but pour me some. Cause when it's all said and done, I ain't gon be the one that he can always run to. I hate liars, fuck love i'm tired of tryin'.

Impossible.

2011-02-21T00:25:00.006+08:00

When a girl is silent, that’s pretty dangerous. She’s either over thinking, tired of waiting, about to blow, lonely, needs a hug, falling apart or crying inside. and most probably all of those above. - via beautyofphrases @tumblr.I want to stay away from this space, from the outside world for some time.I guess it's gonna take a lot for me to move on.I chose this decision after pondering over it for some time and i hope i made the right decision.Moving on would do you and me good.Since it's not working out, why carry on? Work, my priority for now.Call this running away from reality but i no longer have the strength to face up to all this that has been going on.

When we first met, you really did catch my attention.You were special.You were one of a kind who simply stood out from all the other guys i knew.That was one reason why you actually won over my heart and my trust but over time, i came to realise that we were better off as friends.All our quarrels over trivial matters only proved that we're not meant for each other.I know that the course of true love never did run smooth but seriously, if this is how we're gonna be like, then i see no point in carrying this on further.It'll only result in both parties getting hurt.Our r/s itself shouldn't even have started in the first place.It was a mistake.I made a wrong decision a year back, on the 17th Jan 2010.I shouldn't have chose you over him.I chose to sacrifice a guy who is better than you in terms of everything.I chose to hurt someone who always made me happy.

Feeling rather sick for the past few days and yet i'm reminded of you.Remember how you used to get me orange juice and home-made red bean soup whenever my glucose level was on the low side? You very well know how much i hated red bean soup but for the sake of my health, you'll come up with all kinds of reasons to force it down on me.I still get the concern from everyone else now that i am sick but it doesn't feel the same.I miss that one month which was filled with pure happiness.Only during that short period of time, i came to realise how simple life could be but yet you can be happy.

I always thought after this has ended for good, i could move on and start life anew but i'm unable to do so.How am i to move on when every single thing reminds me of how we used to be? How can i move on when i can't even control my tears? Call this running away from reality, call this being silly but i'm seriously gonna switch off my hand phone and stay away from the outside world for some time.I need a break.

Back to december.

2011-02-20T01:49:00.012+08:00

So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying i'm sorry for that night. And I'd go back to December all the time. It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you. Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright. I very much love this song by Taylor swift cause it portrays how i'm feeling right now.December is also when i got to know you, remember? So, in other words, it very much suits our situation.

It's 51 minutes past 1am.I'm suppose to be turning in soon but look at what i'm doing.I don't understand why my body clock is this screwed.Sore throat is still killing me.Medicine ain't helping at all.At this rate, i think, i'll somehow overdose on my medicine, hah! Ok hell no, jk about that.Bored to tears.Headed for shopping in the afternoon.Town > Bugis! And yay to my new clothes.Finally.Been doing blog shopping these days and i'm spending way too much money.At this rate, my bank account savings would have depleted and i'd be broke at the end of the month.

Did a bit of Trigo earlier on.Till now i still don't understand angle of elevation and angle of depression.Confusing much :/ I hate Emath! Why am i even re-taking when i don't have the confidence, hais.Grr, i hate this.Gonna leave this blog to die till i find something to blog about.Lazy to resize photos and upload 'em.4 good months of holiday has made me lazier than usual.End here, xoxo.

[/Edited: Gotta be up at 8am tmr since i've my training on at 11am.Yes, 11am in the morning.Grr, drives me mad to know i gotta wake up so early.I think i'm never gonna recover.So, anyway, Twitter has been gettin' on my nerves since last night.I'm unable to post anything.Well, only in the morning i'm able to and then it screws up somehow towards the night.49 minutes past 8pm.I feel so weak.Porridge plus medicine every single day.How worse can my life get? And plus, under the sweltering heat, i may just end up fainting due to lack of nutrition or energy.Suppose to go Nex today but considering the fact that i'm dying, i should just stay home uh.Drank last night, quite a lot i should say.WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!?! I wanna change.I wanna be a better person, can? Sigh fml.I wanna go and drown my sorrows .. yet again.Why? Why are you putting me thru this, mister?]

Catch a grenade for ya.

2011-02-18T14:12:00.004+08:00

I'm beautiful in my way cause God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track baby. I was born this way. Don't hide yourself in regret. Just love yourself and you're set. I'm on the right track baby. I was born this way.Damn, Lady gaga's gotta be the second best female singer i'm ever gonna go crazy over! I salute her for her style and for not giving a fuck about what others think about her fashion sense.

So, anyway, i'm pretty much down on my luck this week.Terribly sick with a persistent cough.I think i'm dying soon.Ok hell no! My glucose level is, as usual, on the low level and thus all this misery.Hais, sometimes, i wish i was as strong as the other girls out there.Or at least like some of them.I hate falling sick this often! Makes me look like a person who is about to die.Was clearing up my drawer earlier on and i chanced upon certain photos that definitely brought back memories.This is what i dread most.Each time when i'm trying to get over you, something, somehow, brings back memories of you.

19 minutes past 2pm.I'm bored to tears.I feel like i wanna go out for a drink soon.But why am i so sick at this point of time?! :( I should start doing some Emath instead.Saw the registration date for private candidates on SEAB website.Looks like i've gotta register for it next month .. there's still so much time uh.I don't even feel like re-taking.I'm on the verge of giving up.I'm afraid i wouldn't make it the second time around.How? Where's my confidence? Guess i shall end here, xo.

I'm not afraid.

2011-02-15T02:02:00.006+08:00

Late by a day but anyway happy Valentines day! :) Got quite bored and thus i went about finding how Valentines day came about.Quite an interesting story and that is also thanks to my friend who actually told me the story behind it and i was quite curious to know more.Caught Titanic on channel 5 for the 5835953th time.Seriously, i think they've repeated that one movie quite a number of times but i'm never gonna get tired of watching it.That movie just moves me to tears.One movie that i've been watching ever since god knows what age and each time i watch it, i just cry like that.That movie just teaches me one thing and that is to treasure everyone around you cause you don't know what'll happen the next moment.A tear-jerking movie, indeed!

Suppose to be turning in soon since i'm starting work in the afternoon later.Excited but i know how tired i'm gonna be at the end of the day.Not my first job thus i definitely know how much i'm gonna go thru but, imma endure! Bored to tears.I stayed home the whole day so there goes my last day of enjoying.Anyway it's quite heartbreaking to know that T.I failed to win the award for the best rap solo performance but thank god, it went to Eminem's not afraid.That song definitely does deserve it and deep inside, i know that T.I is still the best.With or without the award, he's still the King of the South! :) IF castle walls was in time for the nomination, it'd definitely have won the award!! The meaning behind that song .. damn, awesome lyrics!

The clock shows 2:17AM.Time to withdraw some money and head to the hair studio to rebond my hair and perhaps, dye, again? HAHA, i should stop doing this to my hair cause the damage it does is ... grr.I should go and get a wig instead, yes? Alright anyway end here, xoxo.

Wake me up when September ends.

2011-02-13T01:24:00.004+08:00

This doesn't feel real.I wish i was still stuck in a dream.I don't wish to face reality.I'm not prepared to face reality.Can i continue running away? Hais, this feeling pretty much sucks.It's 26 minutes past 1am and i'm actually sitting down here, thinking about how we used to be.I wish someone could knock some sense into me.But, someday, i'll be fine.Everything'll be fine.

Leaving that aside, i'm pretty much losing the mood to re-take Emath.My confidence level is at its lowest but it's a decision i made, all by myself, with confidence that i can make it or at least, i'll try to make it.I shouldn't be giving up at this moment, right? I hate this, i hate this! I wanna runaway and never return back to face everything.I shouldn't have gotten myself into this, it's my fault.I should simply stop talking about this.Grr.

I wanna go shopping! The satisfaction i get from spending money is irreplaceable.Was blog shopping earlier on and damn, too many clothes caught my eyes.Money, please drop from the sky, will you? ;) Haha.I wonder why, why that piece of dress from OSF is OOS.Sadgirl94.Was trying to do some Trigo but seriously, my mind is somewhere else to concentrate on Emath right now.Vday is just a day away and i'm avoiding that person at this hour.Why am i so fickle-minded? Why? "Life will get better, it definitely will!" - Inner self.Hais, lemme end here.

Hi, new life.

2011-02-11T18:38:00.004+08:00

I no longer know where to start.I no longer dread each day but i dread the thought of what might come up next.I'm worried.I'm worried that one day you'll come back again.This time around, i'm dead bent, on getting over this whole thing and moving on with life.Grant me that wish, will you? You'll get someone better, someone who'll treasure you and perhaps, treat you better than i did.I've always believed that there was some kind of affinity between us because each time we drifted apart, something always brought us together again but this incident, has proved otherwise.You and i are not meant to be together.

Leaving that aside, time's going past real fast.On one hand, i'm pretty excited to start school but on the other hand, of course, i do dread the whole thing about attending school again.We, humans, are never satisfied with what we have, right? Just attended an interview earlier on at @FEP and gosh, am i lucky or what? I got employed on the spot and i'll be starting on the 15th this month.This time around, i've pretty much set my mind on enduring anything that's gonna pose as a hurdle.But, is it fate that i'm always allocated to some place around Orchard? Grr.Wanted to head to OSF but i totally forgot :( Ooh, there goes my chance of shopping this week.And, with the weather acting like such a bitch, i no longer dare head to Town.The heat at Town was exceptionally unbearable today, trust me.

To side-track, my horoscope for this month pretty much caught my eyes."Things're heating up on the romantic front! Singles can expect to be asked out on a date! You may even find yourself stepping into a new relationship! Don't get too carried away by the excitement of being with someone new though, and keep your feet on the ground." Haha, whatever! The clock shows 6:54PM.I really wanna get some shut-eye .. yes, at this hour.Dying from lack of sleep, hais.And adult fare .. omg.But, something seriously left me wondering earlier on.Despite cab fares being high (actually not that high), we still use that as our mode of transport from one location to another but once we reach the age to use adult fare, we'll go wth #SoSingaporean.Hah! But seriously, what is so good about using the bus/Mrt as your mode of transport? No seats, everyone's pushing, no one moves in and on top of that, you get to meet all sorts of people who'd seriously get on your nerves.

Nothing to do.I feel so tired.I'm about to die, seriously.Anyway end here, xoxo :)

Tumblr spam 1.

2011-01-30T22:17:00.028+08:00

- Photo credits to Tumblr.

Stuck.

2011-01-11T12:55:00.007+08:00

Decision made after some serious consideration last night.But i need to ponder over that for some time before really coming to a finalized decision.I'm quite scared to make this decision.To go over to Poly from ITE would require me to have a GPA of minimum 3.0.I'm afraid i wouldn't attain that GPA then i'll be not deemed as qualified for Poly education.

On the other hand, IF i decide to re-take just Math alone, it'll be a tad too tough the second time around cause it's all about self-studying.I don't know whether i'll be up to it.I don't know whether i'll have that discipline.What if i give up half-way? That'll be a year wasted.I don't wish to waste time.But my courses in ITE are very limited too since i'm only interested in that Business side and only CCK offers the course i really want, Hospitality operations.After graduation, i'll be able to enter either SP's or NP's Tourism and Resort Management with a minimum GPA of 3.0.But i think as long as it's above 2.0, it's alright. That's what i've been seeing in the ITE website.But the main point is, i've TO get into this course in ITE if not i can forget about Tourism.

On a closer look at MDIS' website, i'll be able to take Tourism in their school as long as i've 5 GCE 'O' Level credits which i do have.But the worry is that i'm hearing a lot of bad news about MDIS and i know about the reputation they have.So, despite knowing all these, how do i apply for MDIS? Why do all private schools have some kind of bad reputation? Sigh.Unless i decide to go overseas which i'm not planning to do anytime soon.

So, balancing all the pros and cons, Higher Nitec seems a better choice.My only worry is that i'll become too slack and then i'll forget everything about going Poly.Nothing should be too much as long as i get thru the 2 years, right? But i'll be wasting 5 years thru this longer route.By that time, i'll be what, close to 22? But on the other hand, IF i re-take Math and qualify for Poly, i'll be 18.Then 3 years in Poly would make me 21 though.So, not much difference uh.I might as well take the ITE route then.Becaus re-taking Math again doesn't guarantee a pass.But i don't know.I might try appealing though.But very slim chances of that being a successful appeal.

I wished i had put in a bit more effort for Math when i was in lower sec.Instead of concentrating much on my strongest subjects, i should have put in that effort for Math.Sigh but it's too late to go back in time and put everything back in place.Now, all i gotta do is, pull myself together and prepare myself for the next big step i'm about to take.I need to get myself back on track.Sigh, i feel so down.Like i've no motivation to actually get back on track and study again.People around me are helping but eventually, it lies within me whether i want to do this or not."When the going gets tough, the tough get going."

[Edited @8:14PM/ Hi, it sucks to be me.Supportive parents and friends but yet it doesn't feel good to be me at the end of the day.I feel so demoralized.I feel like i don't have it in me to re-take Math and make it the second time around yet i want to give myself that second chance.I feel so discouraged.I don't feel like doing anything.DON'T FREAKIN' CALL ME OR MSG ME, I WOULDN'T REPLY.Or i'll pick up and scream at you, that's what i did yesterday cause i was in such bad mood :( I feel like running away from all this, i don't wanna face anyone.I don't wanna make any decision.Though i've somehow made up my mind, i don't know.Enter ITE and at the same time re-take Math.Would i be able to balance my time? I seriously don't know.I want to cry so badly.I need to pick myself up and get everything back on track.Till then, i wouldn't be updating this space.For the sake of my future, for you, i'm not gonna give up.I'll be back, xoxo.]

I just wanna take a little breather.

2011-01-10T23:54:00.003+08:00

I'm already feeling terrible enough so don't expect me to reply back to your messages or attend to your calls cause i promise i wouldn't.I'm not in the mood to entertain anyone.I feel so disappointed in myself.I did put in the effort that's why i got B(s) for all my subjects except for Math which i freakin' failed and that pulled me down totally thus i'm not eligible for ANY poly courses.It sucks ok.I did so well for my other subjects and just cas of Math .. i'm like a goner.I feel like giving up on everything now.Like all the courses available to me are ITE courses.No, i don't look down but ITE then to Poly isn't easy at all and plus that'd take like what, 5 years? I FEEL LIKE DYING.I don't know what should i do now.I feel so confused.Like this has been in my mind since i got my results back.Re-take Math? MDIS? BMC? Self-study? ITE? Overseas? Deep down inside, i've already made a decision but the thing is .. would i be determined to make it the second time around? Would i pass? I really don't know.Everyone seems to have some story to tell me at this point of time so that i wouldn't give up.But thanks to @Prabu, for you know, listening to me.Half the convo was full of I don't know(s).Seriously i don't know.

I feel fed-up.I wanna give up!!! How am i to make it thru this? Would i have the discipline to sit down and revise for hours? Would i have the determination and not give up half-way? What if i .. don't make it? Wouldn't that be a year wasted? What if 2011's paper is gonna be way more difficult than 2010's? What if i go ITE and don't get a good GPA? Then i can forget about entering Poly.Which private school am i enrol myself in? MDIS? BMC? I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WHAT AM I GONNA DO.Awesome thing is i've only 3 more days left to decide.I'm getting myself off from work till Thursday cas i need to ponder over all this.If i wanna re-take, i've to get myself back on track.The school mode but just self-studying, you get it? I've to put in MORE effort this time around since it's only one subject.I NEED TO PUSH MYSELF.I shouldn't give up.You know how difficult is that? I need to put everything else aside and concentrate.I DON'T KNOW HOW AM I GONNA DO THAT.I don't know whether is it in me.I'm feeling more stress than ever! I didn't feel like that even when i was sitting for O's! The moral of the story is, never give up on Math cas even if you get B(s) for your other subjects, it wouldn't help :( I'm stuck at a point where i really do feel like giving up! I want to like just cry, you know cry? :'( As much as i know this is the period when i shouldn't be giving up, i really want to give up.Feeling so tired.

As much as i don't wish to think about this now, I HAVE TO.Registration for private O's only in March? Think i'm calling up MOE to clear my doubts.But you know re-take .. i forgot everything about Math.Sigh messed up!!!!! :(

Happy with my other subjects but sigh :( What i need to do tmr:

1) Plan out what i REALLY wanna do. (Re-take or ITE)

2) IF i re-take, what grade would i wanna aim for?

3) How am i gonna go about self-studying?

4) IF i go ITE, what course am i to take that's related to Tourism?

5) Would i be motivated to get a good GPA and then go to Poly from there?

6) Am i prepared to work hard during the 2 years in ITE?

7) WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?

Been hearing comments that if you go ITE, you'll lose the motivation and everything.I don't know .. i seriously don't know.Stereotyping? I don't know.I've ALWAYS wanted a good life so i'll work towards that goal for sure but i'm afraid i'll give up when it's too much for me to take.I'm scared.You know the kind of stress an Express student faces when he/she fails to do well in O's.It's just way too much for me to take.Yes, i know some who have been always failing Math and then thru hardwork and determination, they get a good grade during O's but i don't know whether i can do it.What counts at the end of the day is, DETERMINATION.Sigh i don't know.I wanna runaway from all this.I don't know .. bye.

My life, your entertainment.

2011-01-09T11:35:00.006+08:00

I wanted to stay away from you.I wanted to avoid you.I didn't want to message you or see your message.I wanted to just get somewhere far, far away from you.But today morning when i saw your message and a missed call from you, i couldn't help but smile to myself.You're the only guy i keep in contact with now.Don't ask me why i am trying to avoid you.I'm afraid that i might fall for you.I'm worried.I don't wish to hurt anyone this year.I don't know .. i feel so confused.

Work in another 2 hours' time! Still feeling sick though my fever is down.Feeling so cold as though the temperature is -15 degrees.No, i really feel that cold.My body system is screwed up! Sigh i feel so weak.Like i'm gonna die soon.How am i gonna be on my feet for the next 8 hours then? Or should i punch out early if i don't feel that good? But i've to work max 8 hours leh.Sigh .. i'll try to hang in there till 9:30PM.

No appetite since yesterday.Hopefully i don't faint today.Tmr is Monday.Somehow i feel that my results are gonna be screwed and i'm gonna end up crying.Haha, @Vimalan was saying tears of joy but i don't think so uh.Tears of regrets? No such thing ah but ya i don't feel too good about tmr, bad feeling, how? Sigh if i am gonna choose ITE, i want AMK lor but it only opens in what, 2013? SIGH SAD.Excess caffeine doesn't have any effect on me. Why am i still feeling sleepy! Gotta get ready soon and i'm still here because i'm feeling so tired, so sick and so weak that i can hardly get up and walk around.Working life is tough.Tmr is like sort of my off day since i needa go take results.Sigh i feel excited but at the same time scared.Guess i shall end here, blog after i get my results, xoxo.

[Edited @8:42PM/ Punched out early cas i was feeling terribly sick.Got thru the first 5 hours though i was feeling all giddy like as though i was gonna faint soon.Went down for break at around 5pm and that's when i started shivering like mad! I wanted to nearly cry ok.But i regret lor, like 3 more hours to closing then i punch out cas couldn't take it.Thank god, i've got an awesome supervisor and awesome colleagues.But i promise everything else that happened after that made me feel way more terrible.Getting a cab around Town is like finding for a goldmine thus as usual, i called for one and just my luck, i couldn't get thru so i decided to take the effing bus to Chinatown and from there i took 851 which was hell crowded.I was fucking disappointed cas the bus was fucking packed and the driver still wanted more passengers to get in and this fucker infront of me keep stepping on my shoe and tryna push me aside.I was like can you fucking say excuse me?! And the other guy kept saying 'siam' to the passengers and i'm like HELLO, WHERE YOUR FUCKING RESPECT?! But c'mon, when the bus is fucking packed, you shouldn't be taking in anymore passengers, right? You know i seriously wanted to fucking scream at that bus driver.I WAS PRACTICALLY CURSING THE FUCKER INFRONT OF ME.Cb, fucker you know.Keep trying to push here push there, fucked up.And you know, it's SMRT.Wanted to lodge a complaint but i forgot to take down the number and all.Why i took this bus was cause the next 124 would only come after 48 minutes.Yes, 48 minutes.I WONDER WHY SO LONG.Coming from what, Msia, is it?! Telling you, this made me so angry that i wanted to shout fuck off.So, the moral of the story is, never use public transport! Thank you so much uh! I was already feeling fucking sick and you made me feel even more worst.Fml.End here, xo.]

Say goodbye.

2011-01-09T00:24:00.003+08:00

"I took your presence for granted but I always cared and I miss the love we shared." All i need is a slap to wake me up.I've been dreaming for too long.Dreams never come true, right? Dreams are the opposite of reality.So, this is how we're gonna be like, right? I want to say i'm done trying but i'm unable to do so.That's this part of me that still wants to hold on even though deep inside i know that this is the end.I never knew that when i asked for a break-up, i'd be the one in such misery.Everything that happened between us for the past 1 year is enough to kill me .. the memories.I'm running away .. somewhere far from this land.I don't wanna face anyone, i don't wanna face this world.Sigh, feeling emo.

The clock shows 12:27AM.Suppose to be turning in soon but i'm unable to do so.One is cas you're always on my mind.The other reason is tmr's the 10th which means that it's the release of O'Level results.I know i'm worrying too much but i can't help it.I know i should have more confidence in myself but sigh.If only you were here to encourage me like you did during my O'Level period.I miss you.

Work tmr at 1:30PM as usual.Feeling so sick.Hopefully my temperature goes down by tmr.Why am i so weak?! :( No, i'm turning up tmr.I'm not gonna quit this time around.No! Can't sleep tonight for sure.Sigh end here, xo.

You're hot then you're cold.

2011-01-08T15:34:00.004+08:00

Hi, my life is awesome.Haha, good mood! Went down to collect my handphone today.Like yes, finally after about 3 weeks plus.And you know what? My handphone was long ready, on the 17th Dec 2010 but they kept saying it wasn't ready.I was freakin' taken aback when i was told about that on the phone earlier on.But imma glad that i got my handphone back! :> Phone software updated so now the whole thing is different and it's way more complicated now.I like i like :) Haha.

So, i took MC today.Cas i'm fucking sick that i think i'm gonna die or something.Lack of sleep plus caught a cold last night.Blame that effing bus that turned on the aircon at full blast or something.I feel like i'm about to die.But i miss work.Awesome colleagues! She is also waiting for her O'Level results thus we were talking about how nervous we are and how much we don't look forward to Monday! HAHA.Even discussed about our r/s though we only got to know each other.Awesome right? Yay, i love my work place :) So imma like take a good rest today and get back tmr.Off on Monday cas of O'Level results.I'm freaking nervous, you know? I think i'm gonna do real badly .. like my L1R4 would be over 20? Sigh this suckz! But i don't know, just negative thoughts flooding my mind.So i don't know what will be my 12 choices be.I'm even looking thru ITE courses .. not bad ok.But you know i don't want Bishan or CCK ITE leh.Like very sian.I think i'll go for Yishun .. but .. you know .. memories.Ok, fuck, i'm not talking about this.

The clock shows 3:49PM.I think i'm gonna get a good sleep like now, i feel so tired, like really tired.Working life is way tiring but no, imma endure ok!!! I'm gonna get thru this! Alright end here, xo.

Harder than you know.

2011-01-06T23:10:00.008+08:00

The sixth of January.Nothing much has changed except for the year.I was all hyped up about the brand new year and the brand new life that was awaiting me.A new year also means another chance to make things right and start life all over again.But you know, after the first day of the year, the excitement just dies off.It just seems like another year to get thru, each day just seems like a struggle.On the first day of the year, i promised myself that i would pull myself together and move on.Actions speak louder than words.Each and every time i make such a promise, i'm just deceiving myself further.Everytime i pass by some place, somehow in a way, i'll be reminded of you, of how we used to be.I don't know how long must i lie to myself about forgetting you.Yes, one minute i'm happy but the next minute i'm thinking about you.

This feeling quite sucks.I was suppose to stop running away from reality but look at what i'm doing again.I don't know how to face this world.I feel like running away, taking a break and coming back when everything is back on track.Because i can tell you, this is quite killing me.It's like, IF i get to see you or talk to you, i'll just cry out and tell you everything that has been weighing on my mind since forever.So what if there're many guys out there? There's only one you.It's impossible for you to be replaced.Though, deep inside, i do feel that nothing'll come out of this, i still want to hold on to that lil bit of hope that one day things'll change.I mean, nothing lasts forever, right? Call me mad, stupid or silly but after going thru almost a year with you, i simply find it difficult to give up.11 more days to January 17.

Someday, i really do wish that things'll change overnight or better still, i'm able to rewind back time and go back to those days when i took your presence for granted.Now that i've learnt my lesson, i'm afraid that it's all too late for regrets.At times it just feels crazy.How did i even fall for you? "If you’re in love, but afraid to tell the person for some reasons, just think about this: one moment of embarrassment? Or a lifetime regret?" - Twitter.About that, i seriously don't know.I want to tell you everything that's been weighing on my mind but something is stopping me.Fear.I don't know what will happen in the next few months.I'm scared, really scared that this time around everything is really over.

Wasn't feeling emo, just a bit down because no matter how much i promise myself that i'll get over you, i'm unable to do so.Alright enough.Nothing much to blog about these days cause i've been staying home to catch up on my sleep that i've been losing since the year started cause of this fear inside me regarding my results.My confidence level is like 0.00000001%.It's like my fate is already sealed.I might just end up at ITE.No, i don't freakin' look down cause that's also a place for education but it's just a longer route.I feel as though i'm letting a lot of people down.But fuck, it's my life.Monday is results day.If i see that my L1R4 is like ... , i'll totally breakdown.Like who wouldn't? I know i should be more confident and such but this is just me, after all.I'll just hope for the best, yeah? Good luck to all those taking their results on Monday anyway! :>

Got a job @Triumph.This time around, i'm determined to work hard and not give up half-way.The clock shows 11:43 PM.Worn-out from all the shopping in the afternoon.First time, i'm feeling this tired after shopping.4 more days to the 10th, nervous.Guess i shall end here, xo.

Happy new year!

2011-01-01T00:00:00.002+08:00

In a blink of an eye, another year has come to an end.What am i to say about this year? Just like any other year, i faced problems.I can easily say this year was a horrible year for me but i can't probably expect my life to be smooth sailing, right? What is life without those small little setbacks? This year was pretty much something i couldn't really handle.Things got out of hand.My life was turned upside down because of a guy and certain incidents that took place thereafter made me realise how much i still love you.I got to know some really awesome people.Best part of the year would definitely be sitting for O'Levels and ending my 4 years of Secondary school education.

Friends: Thru out my 4 years in Outram, i've gotten awesome friends who've stood by me during my darkest moments.Still remember the first time we got introduced to each other in Sec 1.And how much we got closer with each other as days went by.Look at how fast 4 years has passed.We'll be heading towards our goal once our results're out.Everyone'll be busy with their school stuffs and we might not even get the chance to meet up.But i'm never going to forget the 4 years spent with @Meowg.I mean, after all, who can forget their Secondary school life?

Other than that, got myself into an awesome class.3/4 2009 and 4/4 2010! I'll never forget this class, never.Never gonna forget the times spent in that classroom with awesome teacher.As much as i do hate my school, it's that school that has given me such awesome memories to look back on.Never gonna forget those days when everyone worked hard during the period before O's.Those exams and all, *looks back*

Relationship wise, i met someone who changed my life for the good and at the same time, has turned my life upside down.Maybe, it's my fault for always being so fickle-minded.You tried to get me back on track each and every time but all i did was give you that slipshod attitude as though you offended me in my past life.Even now, when i think about everything i did to hurt you, it pains me.I can't believe i was so cold towards you when all you wanted was for me to love you.It just took me some time, perhaps a very long time, to realise how much i really did love you but it might too late.On the 18th December 2009, i got to know you.It's been a year and look at how we're right now.I thought once i initiated that break-up, everything would change for good but i've been crying ever since things like that took place.This is the first time i'm acting this way.It hurts.I'm trying to give up and move on but each time i try to pick myself up, i fall.At times i really don't know what am i suppose to do.Just give you a call? Will everything be alright then? I don't want a World war III.Maybe it's time that i learn to let go this year.I've gotta face the fact that we're not meant for each other.

This year, i've gone thru a lot of changes.I've learnt to take things more seriously.I've learnt how much a break-up can hurt a person.Now that i'm going thru it, i can understand how my ex felt in the past when i initiated a break-up.I've matured? You could say that.In the past, when i initiated a break-up, it'll be an immediate move on but this time around, though, i'm the one who wanted this break-up, i'm the one who also feels sad almost every other day thinking about this.I've realised everything, a lil too late.I might have changed for the worst too.Don't ask me why.

Every time a new year begins, i promise myself that i'll change for the better and give up on all that i'm doing right now but a leopard never changes its spots.Maybe my determination to change isn't that high.Maybe i just want to be this way.Cas of my relationship? I don't know.I feel tired, more tired as the journey of my life continues.How did i turn out to be the person i am right now? How? Bad influence? I don't know.I gave in.If i could have one more chance, i'd want to write the story of my life all over again.This time around, without screwing up any aspect of my life.16 years of my life has passed.I've been a disappointment to many.To M actually.All he wanted was for me to be happy but being such a rebel, i always went against him.I made him angry, i made him sad, i hurt him.Now the fact that i've hurt you is hurting me.

Year 2010.What has this year done to me.I've changed for the worst.I actually went back to my old lifestyle.Why, i don't know.Due to stress for O'Levels? Relationship? I don't know.Till mid-year, i was doing good till the day i decided to turn back and give you a chance, give us a chance.I regret every single thing i did.I'm not asking for a year without any problems or what, i just want a peaceful life.I just want to stop wearing this mask.I want to stop hiding this mask.Deep down inside, i feel all messed up.I feel like i don't know my own identity in this world.Wearing a mask, i just blend in with everyone.I'm always trying to runaway from my problems.I don't know what year 2011 is gonna bring.

I want to start life anew.I want to migrate, go somewhere really far from where i am.I just need some time alone to self-reflect.Someday my life'll be back on track and that is if i stay away from this place.Just 4 more years till i'm 20.I've gotten the green light to go overseas when i'm 20 but i don't know whether i want to leave this place where i've so many memories, so many good friends.I don't know.Call this running away from reality or what, i don't give a fuck.But sometimes all a person need is some time alone.It's getting really tiring to carry on a life like this.The nightlife and everything else, i'm just tired of this.

Resolutions? I seem to make them every year but i fail to live up to that.Perhaps, for the sake of it, i'll do it again.Get good results, who wouldn't wish for that? Be a better person, a better girlfriend.Treasure the people around me.Drop those bad habits.Stop running away from my problems.That should be about it.And oh, stop being so fickle-minded!

New year, new beginning, new friends, new environment, new relationship and new problems.What is this year going to bring, i wonder.You can say that i'm quite not prepared for the New year.One is because of the release of O'Level results.May this year be a better year for everyone! Happy new year! :)

Pursuit of happiness.

2010-12-31T16:26:00.006+08:00

Hmm, so, it's a New year in another 8 hours' time.No mood to celebrate this New year, i'm gonna be stuck at home for the 1st time.Not feeling good plus mood is slightly towards the bad side.This is not the way to start 2011 but i'm sorry to have disappointed those who called me down to Marina bay/ Attica or dblO.Whatever i did for the past few weeks has taken its toll on my body.

The resolutions i've made are the kind of not really thought thru ones.Anyway i wouldn't live up to them but one would be to definitely move on and carve out a brand new life for myself.I'll not bother myself about M anymore.It's time we both moved on.To be frank, 2010 has been quite a roller-coaster ride.But i guess i'm going to accept reality as it is and quit running away.I'm tired.This'll be over, someday, right? We both at least tried.It's over.

Tough.

2010-12-30T16:06:00.004+08:00

Work in 2 hours' time but i may end up quitting.First day at work really did put me under the pressure.Being in the industry whereby you've to provide an efficient service is really tough.I've learnt a lot on the first day of work.I've come to know the struggles behind earning money.Trust me, i'll rather sit for O's 10 times than work.It's pretty tough, it's not an easy path when you're in the workforce.First day of work was alright.Lyn was an awesome teacher, she taught me everything and showed me around with patience.Sharon, the one who employed me was pretty good too.She believed i could excel in this job, she wants me to carry on.She was telling me about a co-worker who started off the same way and now has grown to be a full-timer and a good worker who puts in his utmost effort.

After all, i wanted to pursue this.Tourism/ Hospitality has always been the line i've wanted to enter in the future.I chose this job after some serious consideration cause there's a lot i can learn in this line that'll come in handy when i start working.But i never knew that working in a bar/ restaurant could be this tough.Yes, i was all excited about working cause it's my passion but i started feeling lousy when i had to lead this guest to the garden area.I felt lost? Though i got her to the right place and had her seated, i didn't know what to do.Maybe i'm not cut out for the F&B industry.People working there're really friendly.Serene, Lyn, Logain and some others (quite not sure of their names) but you know i just feel lousy? I know i've to start from the bottom in anything but i feel like this is not for me.You know, the working life is just very stressful.Meeting people, providing a good service, making people's day has always been what i wanted to do that's why i want this to be my career but .. i feel somehow tired.It was just my first day at work and i know, maybe i'm just feeling the stress and it's TOO early to quit but i don't know whether i can carry on.

I had a breakdown last night after work.Thank god, i could confide in Hari about this.Thru out my 16 years, i've never confided that much in anyone cas i've this feeling that once you confide in someone, that person knows everything about you.Your weakness and such and then they'll have the ability to break you down.But i was feeling so lousy that i just told him everything that has been weighing on my mind.True enough, i felt better after hours of crying and telling him about my problems.I can't do anything much other than thank him for staying up thru out the whole night till noon today.He was telling me that i shouldn't quit just after a day especially if this is what i want to do in the future but i just feel the pressure? And this is not all.I've to learn many other stuffs.The restaurant side, cashiering, about serving wine, taking orders, about the different kinds of bars, about Happy hour(ok this one i know), answering calls, showing the guests to their tables and such.There's a lot.And yesterday was just the beginning.Just learning about the table numbers sent a chill down my spine.After a while, i forgot everything.It's a big place.Maybe i'm just not familiar with the whole place.I know working in a bar sounds cool and such but it's really tough.You've to know everything.It's tough, really tough.

It's a good place to learn but maybe i just can't take the stress, you get it? I spent the whole night thinking about this.I wanted to VERY badly drag myself there and endure everything but on the other hand, i'm not able to.You know the kind of feeling where you feel so lousy? Like you just wanna freaking runaway and never return.I was feeling that way.I couldn't wait to knock off.If i want to reach my workplace, i've to leave at 4pm+ and now it's already 4:30PM.I think that's it.Melanie and Vimalan are saying that i should endure but i don't know, i just feel like giving up.I know you wouldn't reach the peak of the career overnight or something.Everyone takes time to learn, some just slower but i don't think i'll ever learn.I feel stupid.I feel stressed.I told myself no matter what comes, i'll endure but you see, i'm not even half-way thru and i'm already giving up :( Deep down, i really want to endure and get myself back to work today but i'm unable to .. i don't wish to face more stress today.And plus tmr is New year eve and there're a lot of reservations for the bar and what if i'm stationed there and i make really stupid mistakes? I'll totally break down you know :(

I think i'm really gonna quit.I'm sorry for being such a letdown or maybe .. i'll go back tmr.I really want to endure and prove that i can do it but i don't know .. my willpower is very weak.Like 0.0000000001%.The learning part is the hardest.Giving up half-way ain't always the solution but i'm just .. you know tired.Anyway i'm not strong enough to get myself back to work today.Fever.Stress causes fever? SIGH CAN I STOP BEING SO WEAK, I NEED TO BE STRONG :(

I don't know.I'm confused, really confused.I wanna sleep thru all this.

[/Edited: Done with my first job.I regret quitting.Despite all that Sharon said, i still ended up quitting.But anyway thanks @Melanie @Vimalan @Dorothy @Hari @Sharon for telling me to endure.I'm sorry .. i just felt like giving up.But i've learnt a lot.About how to serve wine, take orders and such.I'll never forget this experience.I promise to persevere in my next job.I don't know how long am i gonna take before i find another job but the next time around, i'll not give up this easily.]

I fucking miss you.

2010-12-28T23:47:00.004+08:00

So, today might be my last day blogging.Starting work tmr @Oosh.From 6pm to 12am.I wonder how is it gonna be like working but imma do my best, i wouldn't give up halfway.Gotta get up early in the morning to head to the bank to open a new account.I think my parents're afraid of me spending all the money in my old account thus they want me to open another account.Wouldn't be able to blog much since i'll be working for the next 5 days.I'm working on New year eve from 6pm to 12am and New year itself from 12pm to 7pm.Good uh? Cas i'm not in the mood to celebrate New year so i might as well work.

Say that i'm running away or what, i don't care.I don't think this is ever gonna work out.Call me stupid or silly but i still love you after all that you've put me thru.So what if i was the one who wanted to break-up.Never make a decision when your mind is in a mess.I fucking miss you.Each time i receive a message or call, i do pray that it's from you but .. i just have to accept reality eh? You're bent on doing this, right? Then why fucking confess to me in the first place? A says i should just message you but i don't know what to message you.I feel like just running away.You know .. i can't forget you.At times i just wanna call you up and tell you everything that's on my mind but something somehow stops me.Pride? Fear? I don't know.Just get out of my life for good.Why come back now and then? I had enough.I really had enough.

Not being emo but i just feel fed-up.I just feel like running away.I really do love you but when the fuck're you gonna understand that?! Don't freakin' say i'm the one who initiated the break-up.Yes, i'm the one but i've realised my mistake.You never know what you had till it's gone for good.I miss you.Last year, this time, we were really happy you know.Now? Sigh.

I think imma schedule a post or something for New year cas i'll be working.Planning to drink after that though but i'll be working on Saturday in the afternoon so imma not get myself drunk.Sigh bye.

What's my name.

2010-12-26T20:47:00.008+08:00

Xmas is over.New year up next!! Yes, the day i'm looking forward to.2011 is definitely gonna be way better cas imma be praying next year! To the church yo, hahaha.Alright, no promises but imma try, ok? :) Anyway today made a trip to Aunt's house @Boon Lay for some baby naming ceremony.It was good for i got the chance to catch up with the girls @Aniqah and @Nadeera.Sat down for a chat in the room which eventually turned into some discussion about a drama.From relationship to drama matters.Look at how we digress, hah! Anyway, duh, travelling back to Boon Lay brought back many memories.You know i know that i don't wish to talk about any of it.Left quite early and got back home before The champion started, thank god.Yes, imma Local Chinese drama freak :>

Anyway the year is nearing the end.Another year is about to begin in another 5 days' time.New friends, new environment, new problems, new relationships.Imma definitely say i'm not ready for a brand new year but i'm definitely looking forward! New year also means that results day is nearing.Nervous.Don't ask me my plans, i am nervous enough.Alright leave this aside.

Shopping plans for the coming week fixed! HAHA YES, shopping again! Anyway dad gave me a shock cas he said that it's alright if i can't get a job, he'll gimme the money.YAY BEST DAY MAN!!! HAHA.But anyway i've gotten a job i guess? Part time for now.Don't know when imma start though.Hopefully soon :) Bored to tears.Can't wait to get my new pair of contact lenses! Gray again as usual haha.And perhaps more clothes yeah? Ah omg, i can't wait.And The tourist, anyone? Clock shows 8:57PM and i'm already sleepy cas i got up really early.Sleeping at 6AM and waking up at 11AM doesn't feel good.Alright guess imma end here, xo.

I miss you.

2010-12-26T00:01:00.005+08:00

Many reasons to why imma say this is the worst Xmas! Firstly, i wanted to head down to the church but i didn't cas i went drinking last night and the hangover in the morning made me feel terrible thus i slept in till late noon.Secondly, i was alright till i came across certain stuffs related to you and i was immediately reminded of last Xmas.I still remember every single event that happened last year.Thirdly, every reason imma list down now is gonna be related to you.You know what? I don't know why i'm finding it this hard to actually get over you.Yes, each day i'm telling myself that i'll pull myself together and that everything'll be fine .. someday.But at the end of the day, i'm just deceiving myself, you know? Last Xmas .. i still remember everything.Thank you for such good memories.

Don't ask me how am i gonna celebrate my New year cas i'm seriously not in the mood.New year isn't gonna be an exception.That alone would remind me of you too.I miss you, you get that?! I'm not able to tell anything to you cas of the way we are right now.Yes, it was all my fault from the start.I was so slipshod towards this whole thing but now? Yes, i wanted a break-up but it was just out of anger? Looks like this really wouldn't work out.

Not emo but i just feel so down.I just miss you a lil too much today.I don't know what'll happen on Jan 17.That date marks one year, you know? Nvm .. this will be ok.Nothing lasts forever, right? This .. will be ok, someday.

Again and again.

2010-12-25T15:00:00.004+08:00

2nd day of diet.Living on porridge and refraining from soft drinks ain't that bad at all.After all, it does feel good to lose weight, right? Imma don't deny, imma don't wish to hit above 45kg.Can't wait for Monday.Duh, to hit the tracks for a good run! HAHA.

Shopping and movie plans fixed for next week.I'm still wondering as to where imma end up for New year.Got the tickets for countdown @Marina Bay though.6 days to New year! :> Imma happy girl cas it's a brand new year.Anyway Happy Xmas! Got out last night.Had a good drink with 'em after so long.Not that drunk, just tipsy, hahaha.Something to attend tmr but i don't think imma go.I hate facing relatives you know? They always have something to gossip about me.What the fuck, since you're so free, go get a life please.Gossip and gossip.Not tired? Yes, i don't fucking follow my religion cas i don't believe in it.Tired of this, i wanna migrate! Haters everywhere.

Anyway received a piece of bad news earlier on.I think, the application is approved? Don't ask me what.Sigh i thought it wouldn't be approved.Ok uh, at least it's not Jurong.Alright enough about this.

Anyway sigh, as the new year nears, i'm getting more nervous.About results, duh! I'M MAD SCARED.I think .. i'm gonna fail? I've a bad feeling.I dreamt i got 17 ok.Sigh sad life :( Re-take? :( I don't know how uh, i'm just scared? Sigh.You know the expectations and all.Checked up about private education.One non-science subject @MDIS costs about 900 plus.That's quite .. affordable, right? Sigh i die.

End here, xoxo.

Why Jesus is greater than Santa Claus.

2010-12-25T10:27:00.002+08:00

Santa lives at the North Pole.
JESUS is everywhere.

Santa rides in a sleigh.
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.

Santa comes but once a year.
JESUS is an ever present help.

Santa fills your stockings with goodies.
JESUS supplies all your needs.

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited.
JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited.

You have to wait in line to see Santa.
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.

Santa lets you sit on his lap.
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, what's your name?"
JESUS knew your name before you did.

Not only does He know your name,
He knows your address too.
He knows your history and future and
He even knows how many hairs are on your head.

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly.
JESUS has a heart full of love.

All Santa can offer is HO HO HO.
JESUS offers Health, Help and Hope.

Santa says "You better not cry."
JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you."

Santa's little helpers make toys.
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.

Santa may make you chuckle but.
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.

While Santa puts gifts under your tree.
JESUS became our gift and died on a tree.
Yes, from sin.He sets us free!

I agree with this :)

I'm so fly.

2010-12-23T15:22:00.006+08:00

So, i've been promised to receive a call in the next 3 working days to collect my phone.I better receive if not, there i go, i'll send in a complaint letter to Sony HQ.Yes, i'll do it.C'mon, it's coming 2 weeks in another what, 3 days' time? And i've yet to receive my phone.Sigh, this is really bad.I've to even cancel my plans cas of this.I'm not satisfied with this service.

Yesterday was awesome.Found that place :) Headed down for an interview and imma get back to them, probably by tmr, regarding the working hours.Feeling really tired now anyway.Imma suppose to sleep well last night cas i was freakin' worn-out but i think i was too tired to sleep.Couldn't sleep a wink all night.Sigh, i've yet to get a proper sleep this holiday! And omg, Xmas is in 2 days' time.I feel like heading to the Church? Yes, i want to! New year in 8 days' time? O-m-g, that's fast! Hopefully, 2011 is gonna treat me better! Please, 2010 has put me thru enough hell.

The clock shows 3:29PM.Bored to tears.And am i the only one who buys the Teenage magazine just for the horoscope part? HAHA.Accuracy, my horoscope is spot-on! Always. Hah but who cares? I wanna be single for some time, i'm neglecting whatever my horoscope said :) Sigh should have gone out but i think i've spent too much just this week.Imagine Orchard on Tuesday and Raffles on Wednesday.That equates to spending a amount that is .. omg.Sigh and omg, i had a dream last night that i got a L1R4 of 17.Omg 17 leh!!! Where the fuck am i to go with such a score?! Omg results day is nearing and i'm really scared.In like a week's time, it'll be 2011.Results should be in early Jan? Omg i die lah.Alright enough, end here.

[/Edited]: Clock shows 7:48PM.I've been rotting at home.Sigh, should have gone out instead.Needa get a new pair of contact lens.Sigh i am lazy.Like really lazy, sigh.Tmr is Xmas eve, Saturday is Xmas and i've a function to attend on Sunday.Imma b-u-s-y woman, lol.

Old time's sake.

2010-12-22T00:59:00.005+08:00

The clock shows 1:00 AM.I seriously am stuck in my own world.Don't ask me why.I'm trying to get myself back on track but fuck, my body clock is so screwed.I might have been an owl in my past life, no? The boredom at this hour really kills me cas this hour is when everyone on Msn is quiet .. really quiet.I should have gone Powerhouse but damn, i'm tired! Really tired after walking all around Holland.

And oh, speaking about that, i'm the stupidest person in the world.I was suppose to ask the taxi driver to turn in but ended up going straight and thus i got lost in the end.Sigh how stupid can i get!! I realised that just when i was looking at the map earlier on cas i told them i'll be coming down tmr.Yes, again.But imma get a cab, duh! No buses or Mrt for me.Sigh, this quite sucks.Cas i just have to walk quite a distance before i reach that place.I should have continued walking, sigh.Lesson learnt.AND RAIN TMR PLEASE! :)

So, tmr @4pm, i've an interview.No, no Orchard after that please.I'm broke, close to broke.Movie plans on the 30th Dec.I still don't know who to ask.And my new year plans are still hanging in mid-air.I'll just pray the tickets for Marina bay don't get sold out fast or anything.I don't know where to head down this year for New year, sigh.SIGH MY GOD IT SUCKS WHEN SOME OF YOUR FRIENDS WANNA GO ATTICA AND THE REST WANNA GO MARINA BAY AND YOU'RE STUCK IN THE MIDDLE.

So, yes, i'm stuck in some sort of mess.Six months bet.For your sake, i need to do this.And oh, gosh, just realised today is S' birthday.No, imma not wish him.It's over ok.What's over is over, US is in the past.Now it's you and me.

Anyway i think imma mia from the blogging world for some time since there's nothing much to blog, xo.

Said goodbye.

2010-12-21T20:14:00.003+08:00

Hi, my life sucks.You're going to avoid me forever, right? Ok fine, i wouldn't bother myself about you either.I avoided you and now you're doing the same thing back to me.Tit for tat, right? But how long are you going to avoid me? I know it was really mean of me to avoid you and such but yeah you know, i was stuck in the middle and my life was in a mess but now that i'm trying to get my life back on track, you're doing this.Ok lah fine, go on.I'm sick and tired of this life.

My day was really bad.Yes, b-a-d.Was called down for an interview @Dempsey.The biggest mistake of mine is not knowing my way around Holland area.Ain't my fault, i don't frequent that place.But now i've learnt my lesson.No matter how ulu that place is, go down and tour that place at least once cas you don't know when that might come in handy.So i toured the whole area but failed to find that place.I feel so much .. like a tourist around that area.I wasted my money on a cab, even the cab driver didn't know.Sigh, sadgirl94.I wanted to call someone for help but i feel so bad disturbing him :( Sigh sad lor, i walked around for at least 2 hours before i gave up.I wanted to actually cry, can you believe that?! Crying for such a small thing .. sigh.The weather wasn't helping, the sun was killing me!! It's suppose to be raining, right?

And now i feel as though i just toured the whole Sg.I'm freakin' tired.Powerhouse tonight but i'm so tired that i can't even move around anywhere so i might as well stay at home :( Sigh sad life.

Nothing on you.

2010-12-20T15:30:00.007+08:00

Hello, i'm so not satisfied.It's been exactly a week and i've yet to receive a call asking to collect my phone.Wth is this about? I'm seriously not satisfied.I mean, c'mon, aren't you suppose to be efficient? Sony leh.Even when i sent in my laptop for servicing, i got it back in a week.Vaio is also under Sony, right? Gosh, what is this about? I'm seriously disappointed.I'm going to scream the next time i call you up.I've no more patience.And plus, i can't even find their email to send them a feedback.HAHA, are you kidding me? GOSH, I'M FUMING MAD.

Alright, enough.I'm such a complain queen, i know, but c'mon, it's been a week.Grr, irritated! Life without my phone sucks.Thank god, i've my old phone if not how? I'll die.Had my worst morning.Couldn't even run 10 rounds, i was feeling tired cas i didn't sleep for the whole night.Sigh, this sucks.My body clock is screwed.I sleep in the morning/afternoon and i'm up all night? Wth, this is really bad.Sigh just got up a while ago.And i think i give up on finding job.The interview i went for, i'm suppose to wait for max 5 days and so tmr marks the 5th day, i give up hope lah.I'm like gonna touch my bank account savings at this rate.Sigh sad life ok.I NEED A MILLION YOU KNOW :( Why am i such a spendthrift.I'm even freakin' not clubbing cas of lack of money or i just refuse to spend on clubbing right now ok? And no Marina bay for the first time in my life for new year :( Maybe i go find newspaper and find job .. i'll try.I need money!!!

The clock shows 3:44PM.I've plans on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.YA MORE MONEY GONE :( Sigh bye.

Living behind these castle walls.

2010-12-19T19:03:00.003+08:00

Last night wasn't my night.I've really bad moodswings.Ya but i swear to get myself off drinking and nightlife.I'll at least try to, doesn't feel good you know? I miss the innocent me.Sigh, this shouldn't be what i'm suppose to be doing.I just feel down? Upset? Sad? Fed-up? Disappointed.I've disappointed you from the very start.I turned out to be whom i'm not suppose to be.No, this year would be the last time i'm ever talking about you .. hopefully.2011, treat me better, will you? I'm sick and tired of always breaking up.Fuck, i need to change for the better.

Stay home Sunday.It's been exactly one week since i sent in my phone for servicing and i've yet to receive a call from them to collect my phone? Seriously wth right.Is the Sony HQ located in another planet or something since it's taking years to arrive at the service centre.Sigh this sucks ok.I'll eventually die from this.I sound so dramatic but ya it's been one good week.Call me by the coming week before i seriously call to scream at you!!!! :@ I've no patience.

Tmr's another week that's going to go past just like that.Xmas is around the corners, same goes for New year.Lost all the mood to celebrate.I'm gonna stay home? YA I WISH.I hate this, i hate everything that reminds me of you.Fml.

I'm already gone.

2010-12-19T01:28:00.004+08:00

You know what, i think being dramatic runs in my blood.Last night, wait, it was on Friday night when the worst took place.Something which i didn't anticipate.I just had to grab the courage to do it but i've hurt you a lot in the process of this break-up.I feel bad, i feel guilty.It was a case of do or die.I had to do it if not this would just drag on leaving us both hurt in the end.Since there's no point carrying this on further, why should we? Got myself mad drunk and true uh, drunken words are spoken by sober hearts.I told you everything that has been weighing on my mind.Yesterday marked 1 year of knowing you.Look at how fast time flies by and look at how we have ended up.Some people are meant to cross each others' paths but they're not meant to be together .. our fate is sealed.I miss you .. i'm sorry.

Not emo, just had to blog it out.This is my space after all.Already gone, promise in the dark, no more and you're not sorry has been on repeat for god knows how many hours.The clock shows 1:37AM.My body clock is fucking screwed.Sleeping at 5am+ doesn't feel good.I don't know what am i gonna do for New year.Drink and drop dead? OK NO just kidding about that.Marina bay/Vivo, Zirca/Attica or stay home party? I don't feel like celebrating cause everything reminds me of you.I remember the first day of year 2010.I still do.Memories break us.Sigh, instead of heading to the club, i should head down to the church.I want peace, i want to pray.But i don't know who to drag along with me, sigh.Maybe just by myself.

I should force myself to sleep now.This is like such an emo post, i don't like this.I wanna get my life back on track for your sake.You know the kind of feeling when you just wanna runaway and never face anyone? I wanna migrate.Ok end here, xo.

Away from your heart.

2010-12-17T18:43:00.006+08:00

The previous post wasn't an emo one.I was just typing it out for the sake of the Tumblr challenge i'm doing.Anyway it's been an awesome week with all that shopping and drama in between.Went down for an interview yesterday @ION.If everything goes well, i'll be contacted in the next 5 days if not, imma go look for another job.Was called down for another interview @Jurong today but unfortunately, since i'm waiting for the reply, i turned down that interview.

After that interview, went down for shopping with my friend @Orchard, duh! Haha, and seriously, the amount of money i spent yesterday left me satisfied on one hand but at the same time, sad cas i'm close to being broke.Don't ask me how much i spent.It's not good to have ION, 313, Orchard Central, Paragon, Wisma, Ngee Ann City, The centrepoint all in one area.Sigh i'm not going to shop for another one month, hopefully.But it feels good when you're in a bad mood and you need to spend money to get rid of that matter that's weighing on your mind, no?

Anyway i think i've been doing fine.Why should i cry, torture myself over you, someone who is no longer worth it? What S says is right, i should move on, i should get myself back on track and prove it to you that i can survive without you.I did it in the past so easily so what is it that is stopping me now."When god closes a door, he opens another." But what scares me is the fact that you'll come back, someday.You do that always and this time around it wouldn't be an exception, right? Since both of us are not willing to confess so why hold on.Doesn't make sense, right? [/Edited: I'm still thinking of you.I miss you so much.]

I know i sound so emo but this is it ok.I'll never think or talk about you ever again.My #Xmaswish is to get over you and start life anew :) Imma happy girl now! The clock shows 7:03PM and i should be going out but sigh, i ended up spending such a large amount yesterday that i've lost the mood to go out now.Feels boring staying at home with absolutely nothing to do.And oh, N'Level results out today.I hope everyone did well? Haha.Omg, next month is the release of O'Level results.I've planned out what imma do.If my results are alright, i'll opt for Poly/ Shatec if not i'll opt to re-take.I know certificates means a lot when it comes to employment and i don't wish to be counted as not up to expectations just cas of one certificate so i might as well re-take.Private O's please.I don't wish to have regrets, as simple as that.Sigh, bored to tears!

I'll just end here, xo.

Meet me on the equinox.

2010-12-15T18:54:00.006+08:00

Hello.Yay, received a call to attend an interview tmr @ION Orchard.The thought of ION excites me cas i can go shopping, all alone!! I need some time alone to think about stuffs that have been flooding my mind these days.Think about you, me and us.I should give up all this and move on.I want a new life! I've been thinking about it for the past few days.Do you think this is going to work out? In my opinion, even if it takes a million years, this wouldn't work out.But you made me fall so hard that i'm finding it difficult to move on.I don't know who'll replace you, i don't know who has it in them to replace you.Just know that it's not an easy task.Actually it's my fault.I took you for granted from the start.You don't deserve a girl like me.Sigh for the first time a break-up has made me so sad :( I miss you like hell, i don't know how am i gonna get thru the days ahead of me.Feels empty.Sometimes even when you've everything, you feel as though something's missing. Someone's presence, at times.I just miss you.

Alright enough.It's getting too personal.I've been tired of answering the same questions over and over again.I'll just declare myself as unofficially single, yeah?

Anyway i think imma get lost at ION tmr.Yes, i've been there 9539548394 times but my sense of direction is quite insertyourownwordhere thus imma sure to get lost.Anyway just pray pray i get the job or something cas at least then i'd have something to do and that'll keep me from thinking about you.The clock shows 7:03PM.Freakin' tired, i'm like dying.Why isn't it raining? *disappointed face* Anyway call me mad or what but Wedding dress, Unmyeong and What's my name has been on repeat for like god knows how many hours.And fuck my Msn, freakin' internet is having some kind of signal problem thus it keeps signing me outta Msn every hour or smtg, sigh.Wanted to watch A mobile love story but it loads so freakin' slow!! I no patience ok.End here, xo.

My love.

2010-12-14T16:55:00.007+08:00

Tuesday.Got some numbers to call up, perhaps tmr.Absolutely nothing to do at home.The clock shows 4:58PM.Almost 30 minutes before my drama begins, heh! Had my morning exercise as usual.I think they've to renovate the place and get rid of those steep areas cas it's really difficult to run along that pathway and it definitely does damage to my stamina.But other than that i'm pretty fine with that area.Yet to reach 20 rounds so far.

Headed back home at around 8 plus.Was really tired from all the tossing and turning in bed last night thus i headed for my bed immediately after my shower.Believe it or not, my mind is mad active at night.I think a lot.It's like my brain is having a convo with itself? Yes, this sucks! At the rate imma go, i'll need sleeping pills or something.Sigh i want a normal, good sleep, please? *cries* Just got up a while ago and my head feels as though it's about to just drop or something.Cancelled all my plans for this/next week just to do some intensive job hunt.I can kill myself if i don't get a job.

Anyway this guy on Msn sort of made my day.Though i was asleep, my Msn status stated that i was online cas i'm lazy to change my status then this guy saw my PM and told me something that quite made my day.Haha, you cute manzzx.The way he said it, i can go aww :) HAHA.Anyway end here, xo.

Hello reality.

2010-12-13T19:22:00.003+08:00

This sounds mad i know but i just deleted off my old posts yet again.I feel that i've too many memories that i need to delete off my mind thus my first step would be to delete off those posts and start life anew.I'm gonna face the harsh reality that you and i don't belong together.I wanna be a brand new person when year 2011 begins.I wanna put aside everything.

To side-track, been doing some intensive job hunt online since an hour ago, hah.I'm finally woken up from my long-term dream that my savings are not gonna last.By next month i'll be broke thus the need to find a job and perhaps, to occupy myself and get myself back on track! You know i'm kind of, somehow, starting to like you :) But i don't feel like telling you anything cas of my huge pride.Sucks! Am i going to let my happiness slip away from my hands again? I don't know, i don't wish to but we'll see.Why did you have to tell me whatever that has been on your mind? Sigh.You should have kept your feelings to yourself.

Anyway end here, imma get back to my job hunt and blackshot! I actually did resort to playing blackshot after so long cas i feel so frustrated.Fyeah, blackshot ftw!